June 26, 2007
‘I need help with leaving card etiquette’
I feel a bit sheepish about submitting this as a problem but I am getting increasingly weary about having to sign the birthday and leaving cards that are brought round my office all the time. Other people write funny things and add kisses but I can never think of anything original to say, so I usually write “good luck” or “happy birthday”, and I don’t include kisses as I don’t kiss the person when I see them. I also never know how much money I should put in the envelope. For a birthday for a colleague I don’t like much, I only put in £1 but then feel mean. Are there any rules to make this odd process easier?
Accountant, female, 31
You’re taking it too seriously! For a start, people never read all the comments in office cards except for those by their friends, they just want to be reassured by the fact that all the space is full. As for the money, no one else knows how much you put in so leave it up to your conscience. Just think though - if you were leaving, would you want a card full of stilted messages and a voucher worth just a measly few quid? The bigger issue here, is that you don’t seem to feel that you are very popular in your office, or you don’t have much in common with your colleagues. Try to get to know them, and you’ll come to see that card writing isn’t quite as forensic a process as double-entry book-keeping.
Posted by: Financial PR, Female, 25 | June 26th, 2007 at 5:30 pm | Report this commentFor nobodies I scribble “Please don’t go…” and put in a couple of quid. For people who are important to me, I keep in touch and the leaving card’s a bit meaningless.
Posted by: Banker, male, 34 | June 26th, 2007 at 6:13 pm | Report this commentI sign my name, stick in £1 and move on to the pub for celebration drinks. Life is too short. For friends the card is irrelevant and if not then it won’t matter.
If I’m in a generous mood then I might write ‘thanks’ on a leaving card. But then I might also write ‘thanks’ on a leaving card for someone I’m happy to see move on too!
Posted by: Consulting actuary, male, 43 | June 27th, 2007 at 8:01 am | Report this commentI once worked with a creative individual who made “funny” cards for people’s leavings and birthdays using Photoshop. He then avoided the difficult problem of scribing an original comment on same by penning, “I made this card, so I don’t have write something funny!”
Posted by: Project Manager, Cork, Male, 30 | June 27th, 2007 at 10:14 am | Report this commentI always paraphrase Shakespeare…’to celebrate or not to celebrate…etc’ or…er..’is this a backstabber I see before me…?’ oh yes by Juno, there’s one for every occasion….
Posted by: Andy Corelli, Actor, Edinburgh | June 27th, 2007 at 12:38 pm | Report this commentTry leaving - you obviously don’t like the people you work with - and see how you feel about the comments on your card (if they give you one).
Lawyer, male, 47
Posted by: Rob McCreath | June 27th, 2007 at 2:21 pm | Report this commentAt law firms the tradition is that the person leaving has to buy everyone a drink on their last day, so the price of a drink is a pretty good rule of thumb for what should go into a leaving collection. Needless to say, the consumption of said drink is also a pretty good source of inspiration for the leaving card.
Posted by: Lawyer, female, 34 | June 27th, 2007 at 4:30 pm | Report this commentSomething non-commital like ‘good luck’ is fine, I reckon, if you can’t think of anything else it’s probably because you either don’t know the person, in which case they won’t care what you write, or don’t like them, in which case you should be as formal as possible. Don’t be too honest: I once had a colleague with whom I thought I had a happy working relationship, until I left the job and he wrote in my card words to the effect of “I know we’ve not always been the best of friends but good luck anyway”. I was very upset to find out that I’d apparently been annoying him without realising it.
Posted by: Sophie | June 27th, 2007 at 5:13 pm | Report this commenti like to think back to a colleague who wrote in his email to everyone in the department “it’s been great working with all of you (some more than others)”
try to paraphrase that one as it suits you.
Posted by: Paul | June 27th, 2007 at 6:43 pm | Report this commentBe grateful you don’t work in advertising, where the tradition is to put the most offensive and original comments possible on a leaving card. As for donations, I once put in a lot for a colleague who’d been like a second head for me, until she turned completely mardy in the final few days prior to departure and IU was glad to see the back of her.
Posted by: Clapped out Adman | June 27th, 2007 at 7:41 pm | Report this commentWhen the prodigal daughter returned within the year, I was half inclined to ask for my donation back.
As a general rule, birthday cards from colleagues aren’t kept and re-read, so feel free to develop a trite standard phrase and stick to it. Leaving cards are sometimes kept and re-read, so develop something positive, short but full of hope and thanks. Under normal circumstances if you round your salary to the nearest ten thousand and take off four zeros, that should be a reasonable contribution for a leaver with whom you worked directly. If you din’t work with the person or if it’s their birthday, anything that rattles should do fine.
Birthday and leaving cards are indeed wearying but console yourself with the thought that it’s just a few cards during the year. These cards are a relatively insignificant problem compared to the fact that there are only 182 days left to perfect your office Christmas card strategy.
Posted by: Ironybrew | June 27th, 2007 at 7:45 pm | Report this commentI can’t believe someone thought something this trite was the basis of an interesting question. Just write something and get on with life!
Posted by: Anonymous | June 27th, 2007 at 8:40 pm | Report this commentI fail to see why this is a dilemma. I never try to write anything funny in cards as I am hopeless at telling jokes and no-one would expect me to be funny.
For birthdays all you need to write is “Happy Birthday. Have a great day.”
For leaving cards, include some of the following “Sorry to hear you’re leaving. Thanks for all your help and hard work. Best of luck in your new job. Hope everything works out for you. Take care. All the best etc..”
Posted by: Ian | June 27th, 2007 at 10:30 pm | Report this commentMy favorite comment for leaving cards is one a colleague has used for over twenty years on every card, the suitably ambiguous, “Things won’t be the same without you”……
Posted by: Sabine | June 28th, 2007 at 2:46 am | Report this commentI must confess I find birthday cards slightly trite for the office but an associated collection for a ‘birthday present’ is over the top, especially one works in an open plan office and you don’t know everyone ‘that’ well. For leaving collections, to give is more acceptable but this should be proportionate to how well you know that person. Don’t be bullied into giving.
As for comments, due to the sheer wieght of numbers these days, use “best wishes” for birthdays and “all the best” for leavers usually suffices. Job done!
Posted by: Tight Accountant | June 28th, 2007 at 9:00 am | Report this commentWhen I first read this, I felt alot of sympathy. I used to struggle with these cards too. Then I received one, and realised that it was just really nice that everyone had written SOMETHING, whether it was just Happy Birthday or something more (depending on how closely we worked together/how well we knew each other).
As far as collections go, use the price of a drink as a guide: a cocktail if you like them, a coca cola if you don’t!
Posted by: A. Anderson | June 28th, 2007 at 9:21 am | Report this commentLeaving cards… If you like ‘em: “I’ll miss you” if you don’t like ‘em “You’ll be missed”.
Posted by: Marketing Director, 45, Male | June 28th, 2007 at 10:05 am | Report this commentI have just signed one and wrote - “First Lucy, now you. Woe betide us. Angus”
Posted by: Angus Melville | June 28th, 2007 at 12:51 pm | Report this commentNo, I did not like her.
Nor did I like her predecessor.
As a journalist, I consider it my duty to be honest.
The blessing of working for associations with 5 employees. We know everything about each other’s life so we do not write Birthday cards or Leaving cards we just kiss, hug and dring champagne.
Posted by: Raluca | June 28th, 2007 at 1:06 pm | Report this commentI think that Raluca should dring (sic) less champers and stop sexually harassing colleagues.
Posted by: Angus Melville | June 28th, 2007 at 1:19 pm | Report this commentI apologise for the typo. Ah! And I work in France. To hug and kiss somebody for his/her birthday does not qualify as sexual harassment. But this has nothing to do with the leaving/birthday cards.
Posted by: Raluca | June 28th, 2007 at 2:49 pm | Report this commentThe better the mate the more humour available, e.g. try stitching another colleague with a bogus comment, or signing on behalf of the office cleaners “your desk will always remain with me, it was one of the tidiest I’ve seen” etc. etc. Otherwise don’t bother if you didn’t know them. What’s the point?
Posted by: anon | August 8th, 2007 at 5:59 pm | Report this comment