June 12, 2007
‘I want to spend more time with my sons, how do I convince my colleagues?’
I am one of three directors at a small consultancy. I work very long hours, travel extensively and am away from home two or three nights a week. I love my job – the work is interesting, and we pay ourselves decently. My problem is that I have two young sons (two and four) and I want to spend as much time with them as I can. I have decided that, from next year, I will take six weeks’ non-paid leave in the summer. The issue is how to convince my fellow directors that my enthusiasm and determination have not diminished. I should add that both of them are very career-minded and are focused on becoming millionaires as soon as possible.
Family can come second to career in the short term with few ill effects. Try doing this in the long term and you will all suffer. Getting the balance right is always hard, but if your instinct tells you to have the summer off, it’s probably the right thing to do. There is a risk the business partnership will break down at some point, but if you have built a business once, you can always do it again - on your terms.
Posted by: consultant, female, 39 | June 12th, 2007 at 9:18 pm | Report this commentI would be honest and upfront. You did not mention whether the other two directors were men or not - regardless, I believe that in order to keep you happy AND get the best out of you as a significant member of the firm, they should take into consideration your requests. Because you are wanting to spend more time with your sons does not mean you are any less career-minded - perhaps try and explain that by having more of a work-life balance you can give more to both your sons and your job as you will feel happier with both and as a result be more successful (as both a mother and colleague)
Posted by: Anonymous | June 13th, 2007 at 1:59 pm | Report this commentI don’t know exactly how much your 6-weeks absence would affect the business, but as a next logical step, you need to tell your colleagues and see what they think. Now it’s apparent that you already feel that they will have an unpleasant reaction. You have lots of work and want to opt-out for 6 weeks, that’s not so easy.
Maybe you should try to reduce the off-time to 4 weeks, and offer to follow up with some work while you are at home. I’ve never been a mother (!) but I can appreciate your need to spend more time with your kids. I hope it’ll go well this time, but please remember that being a mother is a job too, and that it’s beyond a human being ability to have two full-time jobs in the same time. It’s nice to be a successful part-timer mommy, but that can’t happen if you don’t scale down the other job.
I’ve been an active supporter for women in all fields, but let’s play it fairly.
Best wishes.
Posted by: Male, Researcher, UK | June 13th, 2007 at 3:57 pm | Report this commentThe best way to show that your enthusiasm and determination have not diminished is to remain enthusiastic and determined!
However, depending on the structure of your consultancy and the nature of your clients’ needs, 6 weeks away from the business could have some very significant negative impacts on your colleagues. Putting together a plan to minimise the negatives and fine tuning this after discussion to suit your colleagues seems to me to be a priority task.
As well as addressing the needs of clients and colleagues you should also consider exactly what you want to get out of the business in future. You may be able to adapt the way that you work and reduce some of the evenings away from home which may appeal to you.
Posted by: Consulting actuary, male, 43 | June 14th, 2007 at 8:54 am | Report this commentI think this can be done with a good communication and a very good deal of planning to balance the workload for the summer. Here in Europe, work ‘closes’ down for the summer. That’s just the way it is. We get used to it and know that the playing field is laid differently. Your children are quite young - when we’re older, are we going to regret that we didn’t work more?
Posted by: Karen | June 14th, 2007 at 10:51 am | Report this commentThe extended summer leave may cause your colleagues to expect even more (and certainly not less) from you throughout the year, and will not not provide the consistency your sons need on a regular basis. If more time with your sons is really the issue (and not understandably, a personal need to rejuvenate yourself), would everyone, including your sons, colleagues, clients and you, be better off if instead you commit to a reduction of at least two hours a day. This would enable you to keep your full compensation, show your enthusiasm to your colleagues and clients daily, and have dinner and enjoy some critical bonding routines with your sons.
With modern technology, you also can demonstrate your commitment and productivity with “after bedtime” communications and other work from home. Your colleagues will soon understand that you really are responsible for two full time jobs and that your dedication is still with the company. Later, you might propose to coordinate staggered holiday schedules so that all three, as principals, rejuvenate with an extra week in the summer.
law partner with teenage sons
Posted by: Anonymous | June 14th, 2007 at 12:49 pm | Report this commentWhy are some people just assuming that it is a woman who has written in with this query? Am I missing something? (Or this another manifestation of prejudice, i.e. that only a woman would dare to think of her family before work?)
Posted by: Anonymous | June 14th, 2007 at 1:32 pm | Report this commentSometimes less is more. I understand entirely but I fear spending 6 week with your kids then going back to the grind for the remainder of the year isnt the answer. I work in an industry where long hours are required but on commencing my employ I said I wanted to put my kids to bed twice a week. That means you get to do that 4 times a week - seen that way its not too bad. Problem is they usually exhausted when I get home for my 15 minutes so its just about reading a story. But its amazing how rerwarding it feels afterwards. give it a crack. I bet your partners wont mind - just make sure you get your job done.
Posted by: Dugald Carlean | June 15th, 2007 at 1:48 am | Report this commentMale banker 42
Can you work while at home? If you have a good nanny (which presumably you do) she can look after them for, say, five hours a day while you work. If you are doing that, there is no reason why you should take totally unpaid leave. I don’t know about your business, but presumably it comes down to whether you can a) look after existing clients and b) recruit new clients without adding to the workload of your colleagues - ie, will the income of the company suffer while you are out?
Posted by: A. Anderson | June 15th, 2007 at 11:06 am | Report this commentDo you and your fellow directors share ownership of the firm? If so your colleagues are unlikely to be impressed at you sharing fully in the capital gain of the firm (business asset taper relief or not….) while taking the summer off, regardless of how much income you give up.
Posted by: Stockbroker, 45 | June 15th, 2007 at 12:13 pm | Report this commentThere are two kinds of business conflict with senior colleague - conflict over ends or means. You say your colleagues want to be millionaires as soon as possible. Do you? If not, then there is always going to be a conflict about the sacrifice of life for money. If you do - perhaps you are already, house price inflation being what it is. It’s not about staying enthusaistic and determined simply to prove a point - its about acheving what you want from your life. Write down what you want from your work life, and ask your colleagues to do so too. YOu might need to ask them to buy you out, or you might all be able to find a way to meet everyones needs. As your children get older parenting takes more time not less, and is more rewarding not less. I speak as a full time working mother of 3 aged 15, 12 and 7.
Posted by: Female Entrepeneur, 47 | June 18th, 2007 at 10:16 am | Report this commentI have reread the initial question several times and don’t understand how you all know that the questioner is a woman!
Posted by: Male doctor aged 50 | June 18th, 2007 at 3:56 pm | Report this commentDear Director,
You’re very lucky to have two young sons. My advice to you is that try and spend as much of your leisure time with your kids because as they will grow this time is not going to comeack.
In order to develop strong bonds with kids of young age one must spend as much time with them as this will give them confidence and when they will grow up they will trust you more that anyone else.
So dont miss out on this golden period of your future generation
Mohammad Shoaib 35
Posted by: Mohammad Shoaib | June 20th, 2007 at 11:23 am | Report this commentThis just goes to show there really is no equality between genders. There is something fundamentally wrong with business attitudes to family commitments in this country demonstrated by so many readers assuming this is a mother, not a father asking colleagues for time off. Also it seems they’ve assumed the big bad career focused colleagues to be of male gender(women couldn’t be so power crazy, ambitious or selfish?! Why do men have families if society so strongly and quickly assumes no man with a career could possibly consider putting the family on the same level? Or are all men so selfish that they assume the right to put their careers first on the grounds that that’s all they have to do to contribute to the growth and wellbeing of their family units I wonder? Have we destroyed every shred of societal decency altogether?
Posted by: EJ | June 20th, 2007 at 4:49 pm | Report this commentI also have reread the initial question and I am convinced; the questioner is a man.;) However, you wrote that you will take six week´s non-paid leave from next year..? Make that decision this summer! Follow your heart, we know nothing about the future…
Male Insurance Adviser, 39 (working dad of two children)
Posted by: Bo Malmsjö | June 21st, 2007 at 9:46 am | Report this commentWhat does your partner say about your plan? Do they think it would be absolutely marvelous if you parachute in for a six week parental wallow and then disappear back off to your long hours, extensive travel and being away from home two or three nights per week? Your partner’s life has totally changed from being a human being with social and probably, work interests, to being a full time parent. Being a full time, or even a primarily responsible, parent will have changed their lives beyond recognition and you need to consider them more than yourself or your sons in planning ways to achieve more contact with your children.
Your working lifestyle provides many opportunities to put in a sixty hour week (that you enjoy) yet still manage to arrange your plans to be able to get home many days in time to take your children for a walk, to visit their friends or to simply amuse/feed them while your partner has a chance to sleep, socialize or devote more time to their own interests. Make a list of the chores of parenting and make a plan of how you can do them as often as possible. Take responsibility for finding baby-sitters so that you can go out with your partner. Forget the six weeks unpaid leave. Make sure you take your holiday entitlement and make sure that the holiday destinations provide a good mix between you and your partners’ lives and the life of the family as a whole.
Posted by: Ironybrew | June 25th, 2007 at 4:15 pm | Report this commentYou are following your heart and spending time with your kids, time you’ll never be able to have again (they grow up quick). Good for you.
Your partners are following their hearts too, searching for riches and success. They’re entitled to their dream, too.
So you should sell this move carefully to them. Explain that you’ll perform better than ever if you’re more relaxed about your family. And voluntarily take a financial hit - can you take the 2 weeks unpaid? That way your partners won’t feel so short-changed about doing extra work, or hiring somebody to cover for you.
You’re sticking by your principles, which is admirable. But principles are only really principles when they cost you money.
Posted by: Brian | June 27th, 2007 at 8:18 am | Report this comment