October 9, 2007
‘I can’t stand my intern’s thumb-sucking’
I work for a large, multinational organisation and my team employs a placement student every year. Our new student joined us in August this year and it has become very obvious that her thumb-sucking is more than a few private moments of "self-soothing". She sucks her thumb during meetings and at her desk. She also sucks her thumb at the lunch table. I find it very hard to take her seriously, but not only that, I feel that the personal hygiene aspect is making it difficult for me to work with her; most recently, when handing me some work, I got treated to a wet thumb on my hand. Can I say something or am I being unreasonable, as most people have personal traits and habits?
Participants: We don’t require your name, but please provide your age, gender and occupation.
Are you serious?
As with any other disgusting personal hygene habit: If you’ve noticed it, then other professionals have too (or will).
Not saying anything could make her the talk of the town, not only in this job, but in the next. You’ll do her future career a lot of good if you put the cabash on this now.
Posted by: CH | October 10th, 2007 at 12:45 am | Report this commentTo be honest I do not see a problem with her as I do not see a problem in saying it to her. The problem is not on “your” student but on a general view that keeping appearances is more important than keeping the truth. Telling the truth in a very honest way without moral judgements is most of the times very much appreciated.
Posted by: ED | October 10th, 2007 at 1:06 am | Report this commentDo you think this ‘thumb sucking’ might be some kind of sexual advance to male co-workers ? You did mention she was an intern, it could be that she is trying to ’suck’ her way into a full-time job.
If I were you, I’d confront her and ask her if she looking for other things to suck on.
Posted by: Mike Morenni | October 10th, 2007 at 1:08 am | Report this commentHas the habit nobody could possibly miss ever come up in conversation with other members of the team? If anyone else shares your discomfort, discuss the matter with the team leader; if the latter cares, have him/her speak with the student.
The bearer of bad news is easily characterised as the bully–if it must be you, never do it in public nor without an IC recorder.
Posted by: J Michael, private banker, 38 | October 10th, 2007 at 2:04 am | Report this commentIt is a bit difficult to believe that such a problem would get this far but it’s probably easier to sort out than something less bizarre, such as chewing with an open mouth. You are dealing with a placement student, so do them the biggest favour that anyone has yet bestowed upon them, by telling them to stop sucking their thumb. As you are part of a multinational organization you could explain that ending an episode of thumb sucking abruptly could cause great offence to an Italian colleague, possibly resulting in adverse contractual obligations but I personally would simply tell them to stop it. If the student placement does it in a meeting, dispatch them on a pointless errand and later explain why you did so. Make a point of finding out who accepted the student on placement and harbour deep suspicions of their judgment.
My apologies to Italian businesspeople, I was exaggerating.
Posted by: Ironybrew: 57, Male, Retired | October 10th, 2007 at 3:16 am | Report this commentOh stop it with all the British hand wringing! Just say, “Quit sucking you thumb” for heaven’s sake. Presumably you outrank this person and are in a position to give honest feedback. If you are too timid to do this, you deserve your predicament.
Posted by: Dave the American | October 10th, 2007 at 6:21 am | Report this commentAre people competing to make up the most implausible problem??
Posted by: Joe Bloggs | October 10th, 2007 at 9:45 am | Report this commentTell her. She’ll thank you in time. I know a very competent lady in her 20s who works for a big bank. She walks into a room looking knockout: professional, groomed, powerful and sexy all at once. You WANT to do business with her, right up until the moment she starts chewing nervously on her hair like an eight year old.
After that you just can’t her seriously. I want to offer her a lollipop and say “run along”.
Maybe i’m just too shallow, but i don’t think i’m the only one…
Posted by: Rick | October 10th, 2007 at 10:54 am | Report this commentI am sorry to say that I can’t believe a student is still doing this. Why haven’t you said something to her before? Surely this is the type of behaviour that needs to be addressed as soon as it happens the first couple of times. Why have you got a problem in saying something to her? That is the part I don’t understand? Just have a friendly chat, it might be that she doesn’t actually realise she is doing it. However it needs to stop as you will never be taken seriously doing things like that in the work place. I honestly don’t believe that it is a sexual thing at all, why do you have to think of that Mike?
Posted by: Eleanor, 30 Office Manager | October 10th, 2007 at 11:27 am | Report this commentThe answer to the problem is easy: tell her to take her thumb out her mouth as it doesn’t look pretty, or professional. Sometimes it is hard saying personal things to people, but becuase she is an intern you can say what you like.
Posted by: Lucy Kellaway | October 10th, 2007 at 11:54 am | Report this commentIn a way your problem is facile, but it interests me that we supposedly live in an era in which image is everything, and in which children of school age are already grooming themselves for future careers. And yet despite this it seems perfectly possible to arrive in the workplace with something badly amiss and which no one ever says anything about because they are too embarrassed.
If you tell her to stop sucking her thumb you’ll not only being doing her a service but you’ll be doing a service to all her future managers who will be saved the beastly business of having to mention it. And although stopping at about 20 may be harder than stopping at about 2 (when most of us kick the habit) it will be easier than stopping still later.
I wish someone had taken me to one side when I was younger and told me to stop twiddling my hair. Stopping now after almost five decades of practice is proving very hard indeed.
Thumbsucking is what we all do as a baby,largely for comfort, in an adult it could be a psychological reaction due to insecurity, shyness, fear due to the surroundings,people etc..If the employer need her services,he should first draw her attention to her habit and if she is unable to change then she require counselling…..to bring her to the frame of mind which we all think is the correct social behaviour….
Posted by: Mohanan | October 10th, 2007 at 12:56 pm | Report this commentAge 55 Management Consultant Male
Have we all forgotten what HR departments are for?
Get them to issue a Health and Safety Mandate about ersonal hygiene. Then gentle ribbing about the thumb sucking being a H&S Issue helps to bring it to the open where it can be addressed and eventually buried!
Posted by: Bob's your Uncle | October 10th, 2007 at 1:14 pm | Report this commentI suggest you sleep with the intern. What ssems like a bad habit will then be transformed to a charming maybe erotic foible that will put an anticipatory spring in your step.
Posted by: Gary | October 10th, 2007 at 1:17 pm | Report this commentThumb-sucking of this sort is probably, at her age, such an ingrained form of compulsive behaviour that telling her to quit probably won’t work (”Quit smoking”, “Quit heroin”, etc), especially if she is not even conscious of doing it. Tell her it is a problem and suggest ways she could try to kick it - take up sucking sweets (NOT chewing gum), wearing gloves with a nasty-tasting substance on the thumbs, even take up smoking (if there’s some place where it’s still possible legally to have a drag these days). But for goodness sake tell her about it and say you’ll support a determined effort on her part to get over it. She might suffer a few moments of embarassment, but it looks as though you are the one who fears being embarassed. Forget it - you’ll be doing her a favour.
I bet that the moment you tell her there is this problem, the thumb will go straight into the mouth…
Posted by: Stephen, consultant, 60 | October 10th, 2007 at 1:28 pm | Report this commentHow about when she come to office you push an orange to er thumb. Then she cannot suck it unless she have a very big mouth. When she walk around the office so not to embrarrass she can just pretend she is holding the orange. If anyone want to buy the fruit she just quote a very expensive price. The fruit can be changed but orange is easy because it is soft and grippy. Apple is difficult. Melon a bit too big. It works because the cheat and the taste of fruit associate with the habit.
We did this to one girl in Paris and her scurvy has gone away too.
Posted by: Severine | October 10th, 2007 at 1:53 pm | Report this commentJust get some of those horrifying pictures of shrivelled and decayed thumbs resulting from a lifetime of thumbsucking and leave them on her desk
Posted by: Courtney | October 10th, 2007 at 2:16 pm | Report this commentThere are two issues here: the professional image and the personal. First, let’s deal with the professional image. An adult sucking their thum will not be taken seriously in the workplace, and will find it difficult to progress in their career. What does it say about her? Immature, lacking in confidence, sensitive, vulnerable; hardly someone who is going to convince a client or win business! I appreciate that I have no idea about the real person but it’s first impressions that count. Second, the difficult issue is what personal issues are beneath this. This is where you have to be very sensitive. It may indicate insecurity, and someone who is lacking in confidence.
Posted by: Manager, Investment, 35, M | October 10th, 2007 at 2:17 pm | Report this commentMy advice is this: to be clear to her that it sends out the wrong image of both her and the company. But tact is required because she may take it personal if you make it sound that you think she is ‘odd’. In other words, don’t follow ‘Dave the Americans’ comments which are tactless.
Each time her thumb gets anywhere near her mouth, send her off to do strategic filing in some faraway room for the rest of the day. At least, you won’t have to look at her, and if after a week she still doesn’t get it, you will know for sure that the thumb sucking is the very last of her problems: she’s obvioulsy too dim for the job.
Posted by: charlotte | October 10th, 2007 at 2:25 pm | Report this commentFirst get HR to insitute a new policy banning thumbsucking in the office. Then so she doesn’t feel discrimination you and some game colleagues join her for a few weeks for thumbsucking break on the street. You drop out as you kick the habit with dropping some appropriate Nietszchean quotes, demonstrating the ability to quit and the importance of willpower.
Posted by: Dave, Strategy, 32 | October 10th, 2007 at 2:26 pm | Report this commentI’d send her home and tell her not to return until she’s grown up.
such infantile behaviour does not belong in grade school, let alone a professional business setting
Posted by: abhaigh | October 10th, 2007 at 2:27 pm | Report this commentI’m an orthopaedic surgeon. Prior to considering thumb amputation I would normally recommend a period of CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). Results are variable and on occasion things may progress to surgical management with or without a toe to thumb replantation.
Posted by: tc | October 10th, 2007 at 3:11 pm | Report this commentYou do not mention it but if this thumb sucking is the habit of a lifetime rather than a ploy to get up your nose she must also have buck teeth. In this case you could couple your feedback to stop the sucking habit with a recommendation to get her teeth straighten.
Posted by: Tom | October 10th, 2007 at 3:58 pm | Report this commentthis whole thumb-sucking thing is absurd. there are two issues, one her behaviour and your reaction to it. She is out of line, of course, but she will eventually discover this before she goes much further and is not doubt in control of whatever it is she is doing. You, on the other hand are letting this digusting habit get to you and for that you should be soundly rebuked. Everyhting, including this, will pass quickly and she will no doubt leave or break before you do…
Posted by: male, 50, consultant | October 10th, 2007 at 8:12 pm | Report this commentSeverine, will you marry me?
Posted by: Leigh - chief executive, 32, male | October 10th, 2007 at 8:53 pm | Report this commentWhy is she doing this internship? My guess is she wants to help her career and learn how to act in the business world. Tell her that this thumb-sucking must stop. Let her know that you don’t dislike her, but don’t be too sweet about it either, she needs to learn that this behavior is making her look like a fool, and that it will hold back her career.
Posted by: z | October 11th, 2007 at 3:32 am | Report this commentAlso, it is true people have different habits, but society determines which are acceptable and which are not. If she urinated in the corners of the office,(an extreme example) you would not hesitate to tell her stop. Remember, even as an intern she represents your firm!
Consultant. Gare du Nord 20th Octobre, 3-3.30pm Cafe in glass building at the side. You anxious, expectant, orange on thumb. Me curious looking to see you. If I like you I will put orange on too….
Posted by: Severine, | October 11th, 2007 at 11:49 am | Report this commentIt might be worth a slight re-think of the details Severine. The 20th October is a Saturday. Under normal circumstances at 3-3.30 p.m. on a Saturday at the “Café in glass building” at the side of the Gare du Nord, you might expect there to be yourself, attempting to be anonymous, plus a few other people. Someone from London wearing an orange on his thumb might be easily identifiable amongst a few of your compatriots, for whom the wearing of an orange on the thumb would only be considered for genuinely therapeutic reasons.
There are however a couple of problems the first of which being that you appear to be expecting a 50 year old consultant, whereas the proposal appears to have been made by a 32 year old Managing Director. The second problem is that the Rugby World Cup Final will be kicking off at 9.00 p.m. on the 20th October and quite a few of the FT’s readers are British, French, Argentinean or South African, many of whom might have lunched well, have time on their hands and quite possibly an orange on their thumb at the “Café in glass building” by the Gare du Nord. It might be a good idea to consider changing the date of the proposed meeting, to a date on which such a meeting is less likely to end in tear gas.
Posted by: Ironybrew: 57, Retired, Male | October 12th, 2007 at 12:27 am | Report this commentIronybrew… You are right! The mistaken title would have mislead me, the orange not. But I will answer the question when is a consultant like a chief exceutive? ….When he has an orange on thumb.
Oh yes the rugby! Afterward I thought that it is a good excuse also to take a chance, and to be not stand out with the orange. Couer de Lion? Will still want to visit after you lose tomorrow?? We will see if you love the game or the country and if you can celebrate with me.
If there are many oranges, I will of course be flattered… and have more choice! I think I can tell English from Argentinan and South African…we will see. A test of my judgement and taste. But how do you know that not many Frenchwomen will be at the Cafe also and read this? There is an orange seller around the corner.
My two problem now is CE did ask first so should I give him first chance, and how do I be discreet enough to not cause a riot?
Au secours!!
Posted by: Severine | October 12th, 2007 at 3:01 pm | Report this commentDear Lucy
I have a problem.
A client and I are due to watch the Rugby World Cup final on Saturday night, by way of thanks for a project recently completed. We have a booking at a top London sports bar - but it coincides with a coffee invitation from my future wife (or at least, shall we say, the situation is pregnant with possibility). I think the remarkable progress of my relationship with Severine is worth witnessing to the end - a view not shared by my client or our respective bank managers. I wanted to delay the World Cup final, but the tournament organisers vetoed this as too late. It is the story of my life to be in the wrong cafe at the wrong time. Is this destined to be another example, or is there a polite way for me to extricate my thumb from my orange and put it somewhere more interesting?
Alternatively I will be in Paris from the 9th November so, if oranges are not out of season, an out of the box solution may present itself. As a Scot I might be inclined to seek out a fruit from the orchards of the Western Cape, whatever the result on Saturday. Apparently Georgia produces oranges too, so I hope the Gare du Nord fruit seller publishes provenance information. Posting this before the result of today’s Scotland and France matches may be a dangerous game, but I say playing safe is for consultants, and irony is for…erm…
Posted by: Leigh - chief executive, 32, male | October 17th, 2007 at 6:46 pm | Report this commentwell it is time for my confession, I still suck my thumb too, not all that often, perhaps we should have areas of every workplace set aside for those engaged in thumb sucking.
Posted by: nick | October 18th, 2007 at 3:57 pm | Report this commentSince we do not meet for coffee I will meet you on here. “out of the box solution” are you sure you are not a consultant? Are you a bit cheap? Wouldn’t your client and you prefer to watch in Paris. Ha ha!
So, as punishment, you must keep your thumb in your orange. Ahhh! November so long and so many proposals away! Nous verrons.
Posted by: Severine | October 20th, 2007 at 2:26 pm | Report this commentHey there. Well actually thumbsucking in adults is more common and normal that you all think. Although if that is interfering with work you just nicely tell her that you dont ike her habit aroudn while in the office and specially when handing papers to you. Thumbsucking is a habit like smoking, chewing on pens or nails, has nothing to do with inmaturity, psycological problems or insecurity (not always), im succesful 36 yo manager and i suck my thumb. I dont do it at work though, i understand the social stigma of it. They are tons of adult thumbsuckers adn i see nothing wrong with it. www.thumbsuckingadults.com groups.msn.com/adultthumbsuckers.
Posted by: Pamela Gonzalez | October 22nd, 2007 at 9:47 am | Report this commentTake care
xx
Pami
Take a Band aid and wrap it around her thumb. It should work.
Posted by: Philip | October 28th, 2007 at 9:20 am | Report this commentYou should tell that person her sucking habit is unprofessional and childless (ignore the obvious physcological stuff} and will not be tolerated at your firm.
Posted by: John form Detroit | November 2nd, 2007 at 12:07 pm | Report this commentUnlike most habits thumb sucking doesn’t interfere with the rights, or space, of others (unlike the ridiculous urination analogy above). I suppose, here though, like nail biting, it is distracting to others and, in a “business” atmosphere, would undermine the results oriented social interactions found in this atmosphere.
It’s too bad, though, that our culture developed this dichotomy since, personally, I believe in the benefits of mixing business with real life, ie., not needed to “act” a certain way, especially when it comes to such insignificant behaviors as thumb sucking or nail biting, etc.
Oh, another adult thumb sucker here (there’s lots of’m hiding amongst us, trust me)….
Posted by: Harvey | November 3rd, 2007 at 2:03 pm | Report this commentwhat’s the problem? You probably pick your nose at your desk and in meetings. I bet you don’t wash your hands after every excavation, so how hygienic is that? Get a grip.
Posted by: JB | November 7th, 2007 at 11:58 pm | Report this commentHi there, I’m also a thumbsucker too but I don’t do it in public I stopped doing it in public at around 10-12yrs old. I only do it at home. There’s nothing psychologically wrong or strange with a dult thumbsucking it’s just a habit and there are a LOT of adult thumbsuckers who are successful professional people, most just do it at home and in private. I don’t think thumbsucking should be banned on the workplace at all, it’s a better more healthier habit for everyone than smoking and like someone said so many people leave the bathroom without washing their hands or pick their noses etc without washing their hands so thumbsucking is no more unsanitary than most people who don’t suck.
Just relax and chill everyone has some kind of habit they do that they are not aware of. 
Posted by: Skye Leigh Female | November 15th, 2007 at 11:54 pm | Report this commentShe maybe thinks that ‘cute and dumb’
Posted by: HATTIE, SEMI RETIRED L.G.O & Part time ('giz a job') writer | November 19th, 2007 at 3:20 pm | Report this commentIs groovy, hot and cool
And if that’s why she sucks her thumb
This intern is a fool!
Is she aware she’s there to learn
And not to act the baby
Please do the girl a lovely turn
Tell her it’s NO! not maybe!
She may well need some strong support
To break her childhood habit
But now’s the time she MUST be taught
The moments’s here so GRAB IT!
She maybe thinks that ‘cute and dumb’
Posted by: HATTIE, SEMI RETIRED L.G.O & Part time ('giz a job') writer | November 19th, 2007 at 3:20 pm | Report this commentIs groovy, hot and cool
And if that’s why she sucks her thumb
This intern is a fool!
Is she aware she’s there to learn
And not to act the baby
Please do the girl a lovely turn
Tell her it’s NO! not maybe!
She may well need some strong support
To break her childhood habit
But now’s the time she MUST be taught
The moments’s here so GRAB IT!
C’mon you morons…give the thumb sucker a break! SERIOUSLY! What adult would possibly suck their thumb in public, risking ridicule and ostracization!! The person clearly is “addicted” to it. How many people are over-weight because they are addicted to food? Over-drink because they are alcoholics? And, smell like a dirty ashtray because they smoke, yet we’re all quite tolerant of their shortcomings, now aren’t we?
Lighten up and give the person a break! I can hardly see how their thumb sucking is harming anyone. Truthfully, wanna know what grosses me out far more than a thumb-sucker? Seeing a big ass lipstick mark on a starbuck’s cup. That’s gross!
Posted by: J | December 18th, 2007 at 5:51 am | Report this commentI am confused as to the concern you have. I think the only relevant question is- is the individual good at their job, and I assume so, as you have hired them into your company. The hygiene issue shouldnt cause much concern either, the human body can handle a lot, and some germs which we all pick up arnt goin to harm us, if hygiene was such a danger the individual who sucks their thumb would have encountered numerous illnesses by now. It will be difficult to ask her to stop, as its a habbit, that commonly goes unrealised, like if a person clicks their tongue when concentrating.
Posted by: Vicki pip | December 21st, 2007 at 6:34 am | Report this commentEstablish a tutorial atmosphere and give her a book on body language.Pearce has written a good one, which is available in paperback and will not cost a fortune. I recommend a little bit of thought about body language to anyone setting out in business. Non verbal communication is more important than words because it goes straight into the subconscious.
Posted by: Nick W | January 9th, 2008 at 2:00 pm | Report this commentBeing indirect in this case is highly desirable because the habit indicates insecurity and you do not want to make it worse.
You will all have undesirable habits, (folded arms during client meetings is a good example) and discussing them together in a relaxed atmosphere will help everyone.
A note of caution, mind and body have to be in harmony; I once saw a consultant who had read a book on body language give a presentation which came across as bizarre because mind and body were in two different places.
Tell her that inside most people feel the same but learn not to show it. I once told a client that I sometimes made mistakes to reaffirm my humanity, and I always admit mistakes and apologise if appropriate. John Harvey Jones said that he got a large number of decisions wrong at first, but the important thing was to recognise mistakes quickly and rectify them openly, honestly and effectively. You can do a lot to put her at ease in what is probably a very intimidating environment.
I am male, 57, ex civil servant, company director, (sounds much grander than it is) and with lots of life experience behind me.
As an ATS (Adult Thumb Sucker) I had to laugh at most of these comments. I am 24 years old and have worked in a corporate environment for the last four years. I am married, have a daughter and am a well balanced, normal person. And yes, I do suck my thumb.
I have found myself sucking my thumb at my desk a number of times. Yes, I do use hand sanitizer after I take my thumb out of my mouth before I touch anything or anyone. Which is sadly more hygienic than my other non-thumb sucking counterparts. I’ve seen people sneeze into their hands, wipe their nose on their hands, cough on their hands and touch their mouth before touching the copier, a phone, papers or a client without using hand sanitizer or such. And as stated before, how often do you REALLY think people wash their hands after using the restroom?
As for the “it’s infantile” comments, at least it doesn’t make you smell like an ashtray. I didn’t see any complaints of how to deal with people who chew on pens, crack their knuckles, crunch candy or clear their throat constantly, or sing along with their iPods, all nervous habits. It’s calming, it helps me clear my mind and it helps me focus.
Yes, it is strange to see a woman in a business suit leaning towards her computer with her thumb in her mouth. If hygiene is a concern, discuss with her the use of anti-bacterial hand sanitizer before she touches anything. However, coming from someone who works in HR, be careful about how you approach her. You will need to approach the entire office about making sure that the work environment is sanitary, otherwise you’re singling her out because you find it creepy. If you’re making her change because you’re uncomfortable, make sure you have handwashing police stationed around the office to enforce your rule.
If this is the biggest issue with your intern, then consider yourself lucky. She is not acting disrespectfully towards you, she is doing her work and isn’t doing anything other than making you face your prejudices based on an age old stereotype.
Posted by: Ashley | January 11th, 2008 at 8:19 pm | Report this commentPersonally, I don’t see the big deal, I still suck from time to time. I’m married with three children and none of them suck their thumbs. However, everyone is different. If she were a nail biter if would not be an issue now would it. I enjoy sucking my thumb… it’s relaxing and soothing. My husband is not bothered by it and I do it in front of close friends as well. Last night I sucked through an entire six hour mini series we were watching with another couple. If that’s her biggest issue then I think you are pretty lucky. I think you are the one who really needs to grow up and learn acceptance. People are all different.
Posted by: gympleg | March 30th, 2008 at 8:36 pm | Report this commentOh my God, that`s disgusting! I would tell directly that it looks horrible. How a person can suck a thumb?..
Posted by: Anna,23, female, specialist in marketing | April 15th, 2008 at 11:39 am | Report this comment