FT.com | Dear Lucy | ‘I fear I’ve alienated my boss by going over his head’

November 28, 2007

‘I fear I’ve alienated my boss by going over his head’

I am an ambitious woman in my mid-thirties working for a large multinational. My immediate boss is blocking my promotion because he resents me and is threatened by my talents. My strategy has been to find a mentor above him in the hierarchy. This seemed to be working: I have secured a true champion, who has told me repeatedly that I have what it takes to reach the very top. However, recently I’ve started to suspect he may have ulterior motives - he keeps on inviting me out to drinks on my own after work. Now I fear I’ve alienated my boss by going over his head, and risk losing my mentor if I refuse his advances. How do I get out of this tricky situation?

November 28th, 2007 in Weblogs | Permalink

50 Responses to “‘I fear I’ve alienated my boss by going over his head’”

Comments

Ambition, if it is to bear fruit, needs ability–including knowing how to acquire new allies without alienating other powers.

Your failure to recognise the former’s true motives earlier, and further failure to take ‘You have what it takes to reach the very top.’ with a grain of salt, cast doubt on such abilities and cast further doubt on what you say is the reason why your immediate boss resents you.

You ‘get out of the tricky situation’ by getting out of the two men’s department/area.
Posted by: HKLivingston, 25, investment banker | November 28th, 2007 at 9:57 am | Report this comment
Still at least 2 bosses above you by your mid-thirties and you are meant to be capable of reaching the very top? I am embarrassed for you.
Posted by: King arrogance | November 28th, 2007 at 11:38 am | Report this comment
You have just discovered that the casting couch endures in your organisation as a possible - though highly unlikely in the cold light of day - route to advancement for gullible female staff.

And a mentor is someone who should NOT be in a position to have a direct influence your promotion. You have tried to enlist a godfather.

If you have indeed now alienated both men, your best approach is to find a better job elsewhere, and quit.
Posted by: Fred, Seasoned Professional, 56 | November 28th, 2007 at 11:58 am | Report this comment
‘True Champion’ indeed.
Posted by: Concerned colleague | November 28th, 2007 at 12:13 pm | Report this comment
Sleep with the boss’ boss, keep a blue stained dress, and threaten to sue him for sexual harassment unless he gives you your boss’ job.
Posted by: elmer fudd | November 28th, 2007 at 12:19 pm | Report this comment
Your career there is over, my dear. You best be looking for another job now while you still have a chance of getting a decent reference from both men - which at this point, you may be able to obtain by turning lemons into lemonade and manipulating the manipulators.
Posted by: T&J | November 28th, 2007 at 12:26 pm | Report this comment
Your career there is over, my dear. You best be looking for another job now while you still have a chance of getting a decent reference from both men - which at this point, you may be able to obtain by turning lemons into lemonade and manipulating the manipulators.
Posted by: T&J | November 28th, 2007 at 12:26 pm | Report this comment
You need to start with the basics: just how capable are you? There are lots whose ability grossly lags their self-perception so if you have a true friend whose people and business judgement is proven you might ask them for a frank assessment of your performance in your present job and your potential. You may in fact NOT be very good even at the job you are in, or you may be a superstar. It would also be worth going over your immediate boss’s advice AND TAKING IT. I would also tell the boss boss that you have decided to adopt a more patient attitude, and knuckle down to ‘deliver’ in a supportive way for your boss.
By all means move, but don’t rush it, see what you can learn from your boss and I suspect one or other of your bosses will move before too long, changing your plight, or there may be other changes in the landscape. For example, your boss might start being much more supportive. It is always a mistake to focus unduly on promotion rather than on doing the very best job that you can.
Posted by: Iain Smith | November 28th, 2007 at 12:46 pm | Report this comment
It isn’t easy having advances made towards you by your boss. However, going out for a drink is hardly a cause for major concern. Use these times to pitch your ideas, to find out what processes in the office are hindering him and make innovate suggestions as to solutions. Effectively show how you can make his working life easier if you were his number two in the office, as opopsed to the bedroom.
Posted by: Oliver Stannard | November 28th, 2007 at 1:29 pm | Report this comment
I have a difficult time wondering why your boss is able to block your promotion only because he is threatened by you. As cream rises to the top, usually those immediately above him - espcially in a large multi-national - will see through this and “right” the wrong. Then an invitation to drinks after work, where perhaps the guy may be more relaxed and able to coach you (perhapas not) turns into yet another issue. I would suggest you take T&J’s advice and find some you can trust who can tell you if it is you that is wrong, or if it is the rest of the world. And good luck!
Posted by: PDB | November 28th, 2007 at 2:26 pm | Report this comment
It is my opinion that you should go out with your so-called mentor and watch as to how the situation develops. It might very well happen that you might like him and end up doing the thing that you implied he wants. There is nothing wrong in that. As Oscar Wilde once said so beautifully, “Chastity is the greatest form of perversion”. There is a possibility that things might develop from thereon. Afterall, “A woman begins by resisting a man’s advances, and end by blocking his retreat” - another good quote by Oscar Wilde.
Posted by: Yogendra Singh | November 28th, 2007 at 2:45 pm | Report this comment
Quit you’re whining….you tried to step on your boss’s back to get to the top, and find that he resents this type of behavior. How shocking….It seems the only talent you may have is above the knees and below the navel. Something, you’re true “champion” must have surmised after your treacherous behavior. People reach the top of an organization based on their integrity, ethics and, oh my, ability to work hard to achieve their goals. They’ve read you right, now take your lumps…
Posted by: Johnny Appleseed | November 28th, 2007 at 2:45 pm | Report this comment
I go with Oliver Stannard’s line.

You make it sound as if you are convincing yourself to accept the mentor’s advances. If so, we are wasting our sympathy for your case.

If it is not too late, you should simply and resolutely fail to notice any of the signs of seduction. Taking care not to gabble (Scheherzade), you should keep the conversation first of all on his huge integrity and great projects - and secondly on yours. If you have no master’s thesis in your briefcase, you should burn midnight oil to prepare something that will genuinely impress - if you are as good as you say you are.

If you have not already done too much harm, you should consider praising your boss to the mentor at every chance. It makes you a more convincing candidate for the senior management team and gives your image a generally positive tone; further to that, you could construct the suggestion that the boss is a rival seducer and that you have (as a matter of principle) refused the advances from him that your mentor is now considering.

You need allies in this personal power struggle; as a rising management star, how have you not yet started to build a personal following ? Failing a real ally, a mythical version of your boss would be better than nothing.

You should not give up what you have achieved in this company if you can help it. If this game goes against you, the good things you say about your boss might well get back to him and save your working relationship with him while you lick your wounds.
Posted by: R:L:S Butler | November 28th, 2007 at 3:26 pm | Report this comment
I am quoting from my notes after a seminar in Germany in 1994 on the subject of power within an organization, where some of the maxims of Machiavelli were discussed and questions were asked, like
Are Machiavelli’s rules still valid today? And are they practised and present in the corridors of corporate power today?
It was felt that some rules needed an update.

One question was relevant to the current topic on this blog:
If I am not powerful enough alone to achieve my aims, is it prudent to enlist the help of others?
The answer was
Preferably not as they will want to be repaid at some time along the line.
Posted by: FH | November 28th, 2007 at 3:46 pm | Report this comment
I’m always suspicious of people who say things like “he resents me and is jealous of my talents.” This may indeed be the case, but it may also be that he doesn’t rate you. The point is you have no real way of knowing this (unless he has explicitly said this to you), and to carve out a strategy based on your apparent certainty that the former is true without taking account that the latter is possible suggests an element of arrogance or inability to accept criticism.

In either case, your immediate boss - fairly or unfairly - won’t thank you for having gone over his head to your “mentor”. So to try to get yourself promoted by playing these two men off against each other is going to be a high risk strategy which could backfire on you. As previous posters have indicated, I would ask yourself some searching and brutally honest questions about why you may have alienated your immediate boss. If after all this you still think you are being unfairly treated you should try to find a job elsewhere and see how they react then.
Posted by: jessicah | November 28th, 2007 at 3:59 pm | Report this comment
Has your boss really ever told you that he resents you? How do you know for sure, or is this the perception of desperate woman trying to clamber to the top? First of all, ask yourself why you believe he resents you and whether he is justified in this? If you take on board a mentor, its always a good idea to let your boss know about it. Not only for transparency, but moreover to demonstrate that you are serious in making a career and prepared to invest in it. Who knows, it might also instill some feeling of guilt into your boss for not having assumed this role with you? You may also find that even the simple fact of your boss knowing that you have a mentor would change his attitude towards you. And by the way, what a mentor you have ended up with! How on earth can you believe his flattery now that you have doubts about his intentions? Either that, or you must be pretty gullible. Time to change mentors for a start. Perhaps its a good moment to dump the current one and tell your boss about your intention to get a (new) one. Perhaps this will be enough to spark him into action and to start treating you less resentfully, if you deserve it that is. If not, hopefully the new mentor will give you enough ideas about how to move away from your current role. After all, you are in a large multinational so opportunities should abound.
Posted by: Agony Aunt | November 28th, 2007 at 4:52 pm | Report this comment
I would question your leadership abilities (especially your judgement and problem-solving skills) as you have resorted to seek advice from this column instead of working it out with your bosses.
You are in your mid-thirties, know the personalities in question, understand the company dynamics, have an industry awareness etc. You would be expected to be able to handle office games/politics.
Ask yourself what you would do if there ever was a real crisis and you were in charge? (Think big Northern Rock-esque situations)
Can you really handle challenging situations?

The easiest option is to find a new job taking with you the lessons you have learnt.
Alternatively develop your communication skills and learn how to deal with varied personalities.
Posted by: Selina, female, 38, Director | November 28th, 2007 at 6:02 pm | Report this comment
How do you know your boss is blocking your career because he resents you and is threatened by your talent? If you have real evidence that he is behaving so (apparently) badly with regards to the company’s greatest assets (you), then surely you do not need to merely curry favour with his superior - you can shop him and take his job into the bargain. I don’t believe a word you say. I think that you’re the one who is threatened by the truth, and you seem to hope to survive by being devious. I’ve met enough people like you - no gender bias either - to know who you are and what you deserve.
Posted by: PeteB | November 28th, 2007 at 6:53 pm | Report this comment
I believe you got what you deserve. You are arrogant, believing your boss is envious of your qualities whereas in reality he may have been a lot more realistic about them then you are. Your attempt at corporate politics has now fired back, and if you were sufficiently stupid to believe your supposed mentor’s praise without being able to see his motives then you really have a lot to learn.

My advice is that you go find a new job in line with your real skills, cut your level of arrogance and try to advance like the rest of the world. And, please, do report the old SOB, the fact that you are an idiot has nothing to do with his outrageous behavior.
Posted by: Haim, consultant, 48, Long Beach, CA | November 28th, 2007 at 8:02 pm | Report this comment
H’mm this is a very tricky one - as you will all too readily note, the consensus of opinion is not particularly skewed your way! However, I feel that once you discount the general irritation able to be garnered from your posting - you really have made a rod for your own back. I particularly agree with the poster who says you’ve enlisted a Godfather (”sugardaddy” may be more appropriate), rather than a mentor.

I think you should take the advice to look for a different role seriously - and don’t repeat the mistake…
Posted by: Damian Merciar | November 29th, 2007 at 12:03 am | Report this comment
It is unusual for appropriate promotion to be “blocked” by an immediate boss in a large multinational without quite a few people noticing the waste of talent. Most multi-national organizations should provide you with potential contacts and routes for promotion via line management, function management and international management and may well have some kind of career development planning and or official mentoring scheme.

Your “true champion” doesn’t really sound like he’s taking part in a company mentoring scheme but fortunately he appears to be almost uniquely talented, in that he knows with certainty “what it takes to reach the top”, the holy grail of business educators and although doubtless busy, he appears to be only to eager to put in the extra effort to mentor a suitable mentee outside the office environment.

How you get out of this “tricky” situation depends on your personal circumstances, wishes and ambitions. Probably the first thing to do is to have a forthright discussion with your immediate boss to find out if he really is blocking your promotion. If he does appear to be blocking your path to a line management advance for reasons that you cannot alter, he may still be quite happy to assist you to develop your career internationally or within your management function. If not and if HR don’t appear to give a damn, then find another job and tell the company and your immediate boss to go mentor themselves.
Posted by: Ironybrew | November 29th, 2007 at 12:05 am | Report this comment
If a man had written this question, would there be so many demeaning, angry replies? Would people call him “dear” and say they questioned his abilities? We’ll never know for sure, but I suspect not. The very viciousness of the replies says a lot about the perception of ambitious women — demons. How dare she think highly of herself and be surprised when she puts a political foot wrong.
Posted by: Anonymous | November 29th, 2007 at 8:52 am | Report this comment
I think the best option for you should be to ask for a transfer to another department. If you are really as good as you think, then you should be able to work with a different boss and prove yourself. If your present boss does not recognize your talent, there will always be others who will. No point in staying in a place where you are unappy, better to move on. Besides in a multinational company, where matrix reporting is quite common, there will always be others who will vouch for your performance if you are worth it
Posted by: sk | November 29th, 2007 at 9:07 am | Report this comment
Anonymous, it was only a matter of time till you popped up. Whoever you are, male or female, you entirely miss the point, and as someone who took pains to point out that they had observed no gender bias in the occurence of this kind of parasite, I find your assumption that my anger is sexist in origin both sloppy and patronising.
Posted by: PeteB | November 29th, 2007 at 10:18 am | Report this comment
I can’t believe how mean most of these comments are. It sounds like you are good and ambitious. My advice though is don’t be fooled by the line “you have what it takes to reach the very top”. This is standard directors’ “motivation speak” to help stop you looking elsewhere and being snapped up by a competitor. I suggest if you have not already been moved/and or promoted internally, plan your exit strategy now and see it as an opportunity to move up elsewhere.

Good luck !
Posted by: Martin | November 29th, 2007 at 2:01 pm | Report this comment
Little do you know how much you have alienated me. You really should be more careful about where you send your e-mails from. My IT contacts have their uses. My office tomorrow morning 7am. Bring your security access card, you won’t be needing it any more.
Posted by: Your boss | November 29th, 2007 at 5:40 pm | Report this comment
Silly girl - though over thirty
You thought you could play it ‘flirty’.
Not surprised your boss got shirty
Trusting you, then you got dirty!

I would say to win the ‘cup’
YOU must do some growing up!!
Mentors who ask you to ’sup’
Want you begging like a pup.

Girls like you do lots of harm
Thinking you’ll get there by charm
Wake up now - hear your alarm
Don’t let chancers twist your arm.

Are you good - or just conceited?
Did you ask for how you’re treated?
Now your objects been defeated….
Start again - but don’t get HEATED!
Posted by: HATTIE, SEMI RETIRED L.G.O & Part time ('giz a job') writer | November 29th, 2007 at 6:26 pm | Report this comment
Silly girl - though over thirty
You thought you could play it ‘flirty’.
Not surprised your boss got shirty
Trusting you, then you got dirty!

I would say to win the ‘cup’
YOU must do some growing up!!
Mentors who ask you to ’sup’
Want you begging like a pup.

Girls like you do lots of harm
Thinking you’ll get there by charm
Wake up now - hear your alarm
Don’t let chancers twist your arm.

Are you good - or just conceited?
Did you ask for how you’re treated?
Now your objects been defeated….
Start again - but don’t get HEATED!
Posted by: HATTIE, SEMI RETIRED L.G.O & Part time ('giz a job') writer | November 29th, 2007 at 6:26 pm | Report this comment
I am also very surprised at the hostility of these posts. Let’s give her the benefit of the doubt, if she feels someone is blocking her career perhaps she knows best? And would any of you accept a statement that “you are not good” with humble acceptance?

My advice is: First, if anyone tells you you are not good tell them to go multiply themselves. Fight. Your resolve in this answer is part of what makes you “good”. Second, you are smart and fully justified to be building bridges above or besides a boss who is blocking you. I am sure you already know that doing a good job takes precedence to all politics, but politics is there and you should play it. Third, give your mentor a chance. Being attracted to you is not a crime, using his power to coerce you is. Give him crystal clear messages that you’re not “playing” and try to salvage this relationship. Things are not always so black and white. If he insists just go away, he’ll get the message. Then keep your head down until the storm is over (basic survival tactic). After the storm lift your head up and evaluate if the damage is beyond repair.

Do not quit your job over this. Do not sleep with anyone you do not want to. Do not let anyone else tell you if you are good or not. Work hard, play some politics, enjoy it. And even if you’ve been a little flirtitious (which you do not suggest in your post) well so what, does this mean you are to burn in hell, did this guy just walk out of 20 years in prison and can’t handle a woman flirting a little? What nonsense.
Posted by: male executive early 40s | November 30th, 2007 at 12:56 pm | Report this comment
Working in ‘a large multinational’ means–unfortunately for you–that every boss has choices on whom to promote:
1 the one with ambition and talents? or the one with even more exceptional talents?
2 the one with ambition and talents in the field in which the firm does business? or the one who is also pleasant for superiors, peers and future subordinates to work with?

It also means–fortunately for you–that every employee has choices on where to start anew after learning from experience the indispensability of finesse if one must choose to play rough office politics:
|| “Be careful on whom you step on your way up
|| because you will meet them on your way down.”
Posted by: J Michael, private banker, 39 | December 3rd, 2007 at 5:04 am | Report this comment
Respondents are asked by ‘male executive early 40s’ “would any of you accept a statement that ‘you are not good’ with humble acceptance?” That probably depends on what we are not supposed to be good at: core responsibilities to the business, car mileage returns or enthusiastic support for the outpourings of the latest leadership development strategy. It varies but is irrelevant to this question.

“Anonymous” asks: if a man had written this question, would there be so many demeaning, angry replies? It is likely that the replies would be even more demeaning although possibly more ribald and disbelieving than angry. Probably most people’s experience is that when a woman attains a boss’s boss appointment, they concentrate relatively heavily on professionalism, ethics and function and it wouldn’t be too surprising if some of the more “angry” replies to this problem were from women with competence and skills to match their ambition
Posted by: Ironybrew: Male, 57, Retired | December 3rd, 2007 at 11:54 pm | Report this comment
Your boss probably resents you because you’re a nasty, end-running, little climber who is as blind to your own deficiencies (respect for organizational hierachies, for starters) as you were to the motives of your slimy “champion” who was willing to take you up on your implied promise of sexual favors - the quid pro quo for his aid in vaulting you above your boss. Horrid, arrogant little self-promoters like you are the bain of all serious managers trying to get a job done and a product out the door - unlike you, who are only concerned with your own advancement. Do your poor boss a huge favor and leave. By the way, I hope you are on the other end of this kind of misbehavior in 20 years, when you can no longer play the pretty young ingenue card for your advancement.
Posted by: Jean, attorney, 52 | December 4th, 2007 at 10:03 am | Report this comment
I am rather shocked at the anger,venom and in some cases the naivete displayed in many of the replies above. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your ambition or your strategy, though it may not have worked entirely the way you planned for. Move on from this level, figure out how you can play one boss against the other and get going onwards and upwards.
Posted by: Out of the box, 43, Male | December 4th, 2007 at 12:37 pm | Report this comment
What a surprising amount of venom there is in some of these replies. I suppose that is the miserable and resentful mindset of most people who are employed by corporations… how glad I am that I’m not in that environment anymore.

Anyway, for the correspondent: I sympathise with your predicament. You clearly tried to follow the standard career advice and find a good mentor in your company who would help push your career forward. Unfortunately, while mentoring is often the norm from senior male colleagues to junior male colleagues, it becomes a little more fraught and uncomfortable between male and female colleagues. Ask a male colleague for some fatherly advice and the power dynamic can often go to his head, especially with your typical corporate egomaniac. Another issue is that very few senior female staff a.) exist and b.) are willing to advise and mentor their junior female colleagues. This alone is a major reason why women do not advance as easily up the corporate hierarchy as men do.

In terms of advice, it really depends on how these two characters are. If they are particularly resentful, conniving types then it could be best to plan your escape to a new role now. If you think you can manage any fall-out e.g. through having some frank discussions with your current boss on your career frustrations and what drove you to approach another colleague then stick it out and try to make it work.
Posted by: MB | December 4th, 2007 at 2:24 pm | Report this comment
Few, issues here:

1. Choice of Mentor: Never a good idea to choose your boss’ boss as your mentor. It invariably creates a negative atmosphere between you and your boss.
2. Is your “Mentor” aware that this is a mentor – apprentice relationship? If not then make sure you clear this up ASAP. Think about how you initiated things. Most of the time it is best to simply say: “Will you be my mentor”.
3. Research: Did you research this chap properly before you chose him; does he have a reputation for “dipping in the company ink”?
4. Mend your relationship with your boss; be frank and honest with him/her. Right now you are running the risk of being labelled as a back stabber who ignores the chain of command (and no one likes someone like that on their team).
Posted by: Sun King -Mgr 34 | December 4th, 2007 at 2:58 pm | Report this comment
I too am surprised at the venom and condescension expressed in many of these responses. I would discount much of what is written in them, as many corporate types are inherently vicious, and quite likely some of them see themselves in your actions, and that’s why they are reacting so angrily. Also, most men have no idea of the tightrope women walk in climbing the corporate ladder. Forming alliances with men is fraught with a sexual element no matter how business like the arrangement remains.

As for your situation, I would recommend pulling back from the mentor diplomatically, trying to mend fences with your boss however you can, as his opinion of you is probably most crucial for your survival at your company, and hedging your bets by looking for another job just in case.
Posted by: Female, mid-40's, investment banking | December 5th, 2007 at 1:57 pm | Report this comment
You should find a way of warming towards your immediate boss by complimenting him for one or other job well done. Keep tracking his reaction and judge him accordingly.

Later, invite him to some social event and see his response. From there consolidate your working relationship.

Be careful not to alienate the Godfather; he will think you have given the yourself to his junior.

It seems you have a poor working relationship with your immediate boss
Posted by: Ndhlovu M | December 6th, 2007 at 5:48 am | Report this comment
Ask yourself again why your immediate boss resents you if he is still in the way of your possible promotion
Posted by: Jainey | December 6th, 2007 at 8:31 am | Report this comment
So usually happens is a life. It is necessary for you to keep at both bosses distance not breaking off with them attitudes if work you to like. It is possible to use and other ways of the sanction of a situation, in particular neurolinguistic programming that you could operate both in the direction necessary to you.
Posted by: Volodymyr | December 6th, 2007 at 12:48 pm | Report this comment
This is a fascinating piece in the light of a recent series of exchanges on the Financial Times blog relating to a question from a female employee on how to deal with advances of her mentor who also happens to be her bosses boss. What struck me was universal onesidedness of the replies, including those who were not hostile to the person asking the question.

Namely, nobody seems to have pointed out that mentor is gravely at fault here and breaching the trust of both the female mentee and more importantly of the company he works for. Then I read today in Harvard Business Conversation Starter a piece entitled “Was the Red Cross CEO Dismissal too Severe?” about the CEO who was asked to resign when his affair with female employee became known. Note, no mention of her being in his care as a mentee yet the writer not only agrees Mr Everson should have left but also lays strong blame on him as a leader. Admittedly, this happened in the USA and this is a promiscuous Britain!

So, I ask the posters here, would they like to reexamine their attitude to the mentor with respect to his leadership reputation and character. Only then should they heap stones on the employee for going over her bosses head. After all, which is a worse error of judgement?

As for the woman asking the question, perhaps she should check whether the large multinational she works for has an ethics officer and seek the postholders’ advice in confidence, armde with the American Red Cross announcement of 27 November.
Posted by: Lilly | December 7th, 2007 at 1:20 am | Report this comment
In the TONE used in your question
There would seem to be suggestion
That you’re spoilt and seek out praise
Using child like, selfish ways

True, your ‘mentor’ should know better
He should be the boundary setter!
But, hey lady! Here’s the news
Your ego’s cruisin’ for a bruise!

Your “strategy” will need refining
Or you’ll find yourself resigning
Give your bosses boss the SWERVE!
And treat this as a learning curve

No good can come of covert climbing
listen, warning bells are chiming!
Carve your path with tools of merit
NEVER trust the ‘trouser ferret!’

HATT
Posted by: HATTIE, SEMI RETIRED L.G.O & Part time ('giz a job') writer | December 7th, 2007 at 10:24 am | Report this comment
In the TONE used in your question
There would seem to be suggestion
That you’re spoilt and seek out praise
Using child like, selfish ways

True, your ‘mentor’ should know better
He should be the boundary setter!
But, hey lady! Here’s the news
Your ego’s cruisin’ for a bruise!

Your “strategy” will need refining
Or you’ll find yourself resigning
Give your bosses boss the SWERVE!
And treat this as a learning curve

No good can come of covert climbing
listen, warning bells are chiming!
Carve your path with tools of merit
NEVER trust the ‘trouser ferret!’

HATT
Posted by: HATTIE, SEMI RETIRED L.G.O & Part time ('giz a job') writer | December 7th, 2007 at 10:24 am | Report this comment
“My immediate boss”is “threatened by my talents.”
It is not your talents that threaten him but your ambition and lack of scruples: using the talents of each member of his team is the prescription for success as a manager. I have worked for several bosses who were less intelligent than I and all of them (and one who pretended to be less intelligent than I) treated my intellect as a valuable asset to be celebrated rather than concealed (with hindsight I can estimate that beneficial side-effects were several £m net).
Your brief description does not provide a prima facie case that your mentor plans unwelcome advances - apart from the fact that it would cost him his job if you reported them, going for a drink after work is a standard way opportunity to say things that “cannot” be said in the office. Also, since you are hardly a naive 20-year-old, I should be surprised if he expected that going out for a drink after work would turn you into putty in his hands.
If I had to give advice I should suggest that you go for a drink with your mentor in a well-lit high class pub or wine bar and choose something that will not intoxicate you (white wine or a low-alcohol lager or a high-quality real ale that you sip rather than quaff) and behave prudently.
If he behaves so as to suggest your fears as to his intentions are justified you can either go to your boss playing the repentant Prodigal Daughter or apply for a transfer to another country.
Posted by: John | December 8th, 2007 at 4:39 pm | Report this comment
Actually Lilly is correct. The senior guy is the most at fault. He is the most experienced and most powerful. If he had the slightest interest in his mentee’s professional growth he would be guiding her in mending fences with her boss, and would not be messing up her life with sexual advancements. This guy is not acting professionally and has only trouble for you so you need to back-off gracefully.

The most pragmatic advice has come from female investment banker. Your immediate boss is the one who authors your performance review so his view will weigh the most in the immediate future - and he can really burn you. So you have to mend this one.

The best advices have come from women, what does this tell you about choosing your next mentor…
Posted by: male executive early 40s | December 11th, 2007 at 10:15 am | Report this comment
Qualified employees are an asset, even in a large company. This is probably your best bet. Your ‘mentor’ may be a harasser and an SOB, or, maybe just a bon vivan.

Real harassers usually know how to secure the legal and phisical exits before you spot the danger. From the venomous comments above, you also saw exactly how much support you’ll get if you seek legal action. So, prepare your CV just in case. Harrassing megalomaniacs are a fact of life and just as unavoidable as the weather. What worked for me as a protection in my early 20-s was to open a conversation about $. If this doesn’t work, talk about a lot of $$$. Make the harasser realise he risks losing intollerable amont of money if he alienates you by asking you to do what a less smart woman can provide at much lower cost.

However, he may turn out to be just looking for a good time and not be insulted if you tell him you are not sexually interested. Think of a good joke to make.

In any event, you may be surprised how both your boss and your super-mentor may react to the prospect of actually losing you, if you are reliable and competent. If you innocently ask them for a reference letter, or get an interview elsewhere (which you should do anyway) you will see the exact amount of your bargening power (attractiveness removed)
Posted by: witty | December 12th, 2007 at 5:14 pm | Report this comment
This doesn’t sound promising for you. Your talents didn’t extend to being able to manage a professional relationship with your direct boss. And now your professional relationship with the boss’s boss is going a bit clumsily wrong too. Wake up and smell the laser printer toner - you ain’t that good at what you do.
Posted by: TK, Banker, Male, 35 | December 13th, 2007 at 12:41 am | Report this comment
I think you are going into a serious credibility swamp.You should have had a strategy to work collaboratively with your boss not steamroller him via an alleged mentor.Quit while u are ahead and make sure you get at least 1 good reference.
Posted by: anna | December 13th, 2007 at 11:55 am | Report this comment
I won’t even waste time responding to the harsh posts coming from a distinct sect here. Unfortunately, these haters speak for themselves, and we should not be too surprised by this, or anything else.

Working for an extremely large multinational institution (outside of the UK), I have not only heard about this sort of experience, I have seen it and been far too close to similar experiences. The atmosphere of these organizations is “eat or be eaten”. I choose to simply dot my resume with fantastic work experiences and gain degrees from top 10 universities in my field so that in the next decade I can run my own department in an organization or my own company if I desire. By then, I will still be young enough to have fresh ideas and look out for other young (female and male) professionals who need mentoring.

You need a mentor who gives advice and opens doors for you. I wish everyone were fortunate enough to have a mentor like mine- writing me recommendations, gives me personal advice, listens to me whine (on occasion), tells me when I am about to make a mistake, hails cabs for me after dinners, and advises me that I am too young and busy to have a very serious boyfriend (at least until I am finished with my advanced degrees). Over the years, he has actually become more like an older brother to me, but he was first a mentor.

I’ll recommend to you what the other young females did who have been in similar dire straits. Life is too short to waste being in this position for much longer, as it appears that this situation is untenable. Unfortunately, wasting your time reporting this to an ethics officer may amount to nothing at a large bureaucracy. No doubt this “boss boss” has been down this road before and the ethics officer will simply file it away because this “mentor” has likely been “mentoring” many young female professionals over the years. I know of females who have left great positions because no one could help them when they were being continuously approached for unsolicited advances, despite several complaints within the organizations.

Your boss no doubt needs to see that you are working very hard, so trip over yourself to get to work early, leave a little late, and ask him if there is any extra work he needs you to do for the team and department, now and into the new year. While he is reminded of your hard work ethic and is busy being confused while trying to remember why he has been stingy and blocking your promotion, you should utilize this time well. Smile and behaving like everything is swell, and then as soon as you leave every evening you should be sending your resume out to EVERYONE you know and to every job which you qualify for. Get out of this department- like there is fire on your bum. The situation may ease up for a little bit while you keep your head low and work extra hard, but this will not stay this way for long, and you must remember that. Get out of there, fast.

Once you feel your boss doesn’t like you or appreciate you, you must find somewhere else that the boss and the boss boss will, in a way that doesn’t leave you feeling vulnerable. This society can be so vicious, so all you can hope for is that the big multinational bureaucracies out there quickly so with 2008 approaching, make your number one New Year’s resolution be: Getting a new job. Sorry to say it, but that is the ONLY way out of this sordid mess, which you shouldn’t have to take.

Until then, dream about the day you can give your boss and your boss boss your letter of resignation. And don’t ever forget the look on their faces when you hand it to them, telling them what it is. That look on their faces will be priceless and you will not be able to sufficiently describe it in the best-seller novel you must surely write once you are free of this mess.

Of course you must ensure that at least one or two senior people in this current department will be able to write general letters of recommendations for you, and make sure you have those in your hands as you walk out of that office on your last day.

Lastly, remember that you are in your mid-thirties, which is still quite young in the work force. No doubt your boss and your boss boss are old dinosaurs who will retire into fossils some day soon. Hopefully they will keep their miserable selves tucked away and out of all of our sights so that fresh ideas and young, strong leaders with modern skills and sharp advanced educations can emerge.

Indeed, times are changing. Good luck job-hunting.
Posted by: c.a.e. female, 27 | December 16th, 2007 at 4:41 am | Report this comment
Thanks for C.A.E.’s response - I say it was right on. The real solution is to move on somewhere else. You really need the support of the immediate boss for you to move up and on in the organization. And, you can tell that this isn’t happening because - no one has put into effect a professional career development plan for you. Managers who are interested in grooming their employees will place them on certain developmental projects and gauge their performance. This is typically done in the performance evaluation and setting goals exercise for the next year. If this isn’t taking place in your career, then you can be certain you are not on the fast track in this organization.

Second, your boss’ boss may or may not be serious about helping you. But, if he does help you and you are seen as having a “personal friendship” with him, be prepared to hear people discounting your capabilities and attributing your rise to having a “mattress strapped to your back”. I’ve seen this happen to a lot of talented (and blameless)professional women. You never said if there was a professional woman in your organization that you could go to that would be willing to mentor you. You may want to consider being mentored by someone of the same sex. Or better, try attending professional association networking events and locate a mentor in another corporation to assist you with gaining momentum in your career.

I think you should prepare for 2008 with a reflection on all your results and achievements at this organization, pull together your references, and get your promotion via another organization. You may have to accept that your work is done with this employer and move on. Good luck to you in the new year!
Posted by: AC | December 30th, 2007 at 5:18 am | Report this comment
True high achievers seldom need to take over their immediate bosses to get recognition, especially not in a multinational company.

If you are truly that good and your boss is truly blocking your ambitions, it is only a matter of time before his bosses uncover the situation. Not because of sympathy for you, but because only an incompetent boss is afraid of talented underlings. Most multinationals do not put up with incompetent bosses.

My advice is that you either wait until your boss is exposed or find another job where your true value can be recognised. In any event, a place where your boss gives you a hard time and his boss wants to bed you does not seem a very good long term option. Either that or you are truly mistaken about your ability.
Posted by: Multinational employee | January 2nd, 2008 at 2:23 pm | Report this comment

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