January 8, 2008
‘What should I do if my boss is having an affair with an attractive girl on my team?’
I work for a company in Russia and have an exceptionally attractive young woman on my team. She is 28, blonde, and quite beautiful. The problem is that my boss has developed a crush on her. Actually I think it may be rather more than a crush. I am almost certain that they are having an affair, depsite the twenty year gap in their ages and the fact that he is married. She is bright and capable, though somewhat over-promoted, and this is making it very difficult to manage my team. Most of them are males, many of whom also seem to have crushes on her, but now resent her too. Any ideas on how to manage the situation?
Manager, male, 35
Oh the indignation, “She is 28, blonde, and quite beautiful” “twenty year gap in their ages and married”, “She is bright and capable, though somewhat over-promoted”. I recommend you quit your job immediately and take a position writing soap operas because surely you are not fit to doing the job you are in now with all the self righteous indignation you are carrying. Let the blond girl and your boss take care of their own personal situation, and you do your job to the best of your ability and manage your team well. If you don’t the blond girl will become even more ’somewhat over-promoted’ and take your job.
Posted by: Haim, consultant, 48, Long Beach, CA | January 8th, 2008 at 3:36 pm | Report this commentAs the writers of soap operas are on strike here in the US, I suggest you keep your head down, and pretend you notice nothing.
Let the lady and your boss cope with the resentful fellows - and let her explain it all to him, if that seems necessary.
Setting aside self-righteous indignation - though you can enjoy it, quietly but hoping no one in your office reads Aunt Lucy and connects the dots - your non-problem is a bit like all the “perfect personal assistant who …” issues.
Your firm is not tanking, your boss is not sadistic, mad at you, nor incompetent, and one doubts the Russian central bank will soon slip their forex reserves offshore and default, devalue.
Posted by: toquam | January 8th, 2008 at 10:02 pm | Report this commentAs my mother used to say, there is nothing stronger than pubic hair and she should know being a working mom and still very successful at 67. If you are right about them having an affair then it is logical to conclude that your boss likes her a lot more than you and proves it to her on a regular basis. What semms to bug you most, however, is that she likes him over you because you say that she is “somewhat” overpromoted so maybe her work output is ok but you can’t handle that she is not after you. In any event, you must leave your job as you have no chance of coming out of this smelling of roses if you try expressing your views to your boss or even try splitting them up.
Posted by: Elise | January 9th, 2008 at 9:01 am | Report this commentEx-banker, female, 45
You can either catch them in the act, around the office hopefully, and have them fired. This might be unlikely so better to go ahead and have an affair with her yourself. No good will come of it of course but atleast you’ll have a few good moments.
Current banker, male, given to crushes himself
Posted by: Johnny | January 9th, 2008 at 11:28 am | Report this commentThe only solution is to seduce her yourself. This will win the respect of your male team and prevent her from wielding too much power over your boss
Posted by: Ray | January 9th, 2008 at 12:24 pm | Report this commentIago:
O, beware, my lord, of jealousy;
It is the green-ey’d monster, which doth mock
The meat it feeds on. That cuckold lives in bliss,
Who, certain of his fate, loves not his wronger:
But O, what damnèd minutes tells he o’er
Who dotes, yet doubts, suspects, yet strongly loves!
Othello: O misery!
Othello’s pithy remark sums up where you are and where you are headed.
Shakeapeare also has something on Russia :
This will last out a night in Russia
Posted by: Out of the box, 43, Male | January 9th, 2008 at 1:57 pm | Report this commentWhen nights are longest there. (Angelo in Measure for Measure).
It is not evident that the beautiful blonde has done anything wrong. I’m not sure what you mean when you say that resentment towards her on the team has made the team unmanageable for you (do the male members of the team spend most of their working day sobbing in love/hate angst about her? You seem to suggest that the other females on your team *don’t* resent the beautiful blonde (which seems a bit odd but perhaps they have a more approving sense of her business skills than the men… or perhaps the women have stronger crushes).
But if all this is really the key reason why your whole team is “unmanageable” (???), perhaps the best thing is to help push for the fortunate lady to be promoted even higher (preferably to another department or to a out-of-the-way “special projects” assignment) where she is no longer in the immediate view of your frothing-at-the-mouth male underlings.
Posted by: Analyst, 28, Male | January 9th, 2008 at 2:18 pm | Report this commentLive with it. Smart women repeatedly see young, male colleagues neither bright nor capable getting overpromoted. Through golfing, poker, bridge, or incessant bullying, these exceptionally unattractive men often make it to the top. So get used to it or leave.
Posted by: Investment analyst, 38 | January 9th, 2008 at 2:55 pm | Report this commentI think one of the first lessons I learned as a child was “life is NOT fair…deal with it”. Attractive people always get preferential treatment. Do you notice that there is never any pretty homeless people? Why do you think that is?
Women have been using their ass-ets for thousands of years to get what they want, and i am sure that somewhere in YOUR life you have done the same.
Posted by: Anonymous | January 9th, 2008 at 3:09 pm | Report this commentI’ve got a few ideas..
Posted by: Dan | January 9th, 2008 at 3:15 pm | Report this commentWait. The affair will run its course, he won’t divorce the wife, so the blond will have to leave. Everything then returns to normal. You have to play the long game sometimes.
Posted by: N | January 9th, 2008 at 3:46 pm | Report this commentSimply send some roses to his home address and make sure to put the blonde’s name on it along with a steamy note. His wife will see the flowers and the note and the blonde will be dumped by lunchtime!!
Then you can have her for yourself…
Posted by: Jim | January 9th, 2008 at 4:03 pm | Report this commentAttractive women have attractive women friends. Meet her friends and you might get a promotion at work!
Posted by: andy here | January 9th, 2008 at 4:06 pm | Report this commentWatch it play itself out - BUT KEEP YOUR DISTANCE. Illicit office affairs are hugely entertaining, especially when the participants think that no-one knows. It livens up the working day. However, keep schtum. You might even be able to give your boss an understanding shoulder to cry on when it all goes wrong.
Posted by: Paul - Director | January 9th, 2008 at 4:07 pm | Report this commentSend the wife a short, informative and anonymous note to speed up the process and get back to work - possibly slightly immoral but given the company go with the flow.
Posted by: Nicolas | January 9th, 2008 at 4:08 pm | Report this commentSo what’s the problem? Maybe it’s just me but I don’t see an issue here…
B. Clinton
Posted by: Bill Clinton | January 9th, 2008 at 5:31 pm | Report this commentDont interfere with this potential affair. Everyone bears the consequences of their own actions. As for the pretty girl, isnt there a way to turn this to your advantage? Beautiful people are great for client facing roles, for example. Look at some of the smart hedge funds…
And if you are sour that she did not choose you, dont worry. I am sure that by the time you turn your boss’s age, your career would have improved significantly. And there isn’t a strong aphrodisiac than power…
Posted by: Femme, 27 | January 9th, 2008 at 5:42 pm | Report this commentThis is Russia, right? So find a member of the intelligence services and introduce him to the blonde woman. They’ll start sleeping together, the FSB man will get jealous and have your boss killed, and maybe you can take the boss’ job as a thank-you present.
Posted by: Spoogra | January 9th, 2008 at 5:58 pm | Report this commentHave a little of patience and your boss will bring his case to Aunt Lucy.
Posted by: it consultant, male 49 | January 9th, 2008 at 8:51 pm | Report this commentIf your boss has started a Y-fronts based appraisal process of your department, you now have poor authority, you have no chance of balanced communication about your department and the rest of the team will be thoroughly aware of this. Unless your boss arranges another job elsewhere for the exceptionally attractive young woman you are going to have to decide whether you want to be considered a pimp where you are or a manager somewhere else.
Posted by: Ironybrew, 58, Male, Retired | January 9th, 2008 at 10:26 pm | Report this commentBeing a male now in my fifty’s,over 20 years ago we had the same problem,
Posted by: Peter | January 10th, 2008 at 12:26 am | Report this commentwe confronted the problem this way. At our next staff meeting we placed a pair of ladies underwear on the door knob inside the meeting room,It got the point across to both party’s quickly and we got down to business.
They both got the point, we couldn’t care what they did outside of work
but when you affect the job,it’s going to come down to you or us or his wife.
So, let us see what is the problem here. You seem to think that were it not for the presence of a young woman in your team - who dares to be blond, young and beautiful - you would be an ace manager! Dream on. As it happens, her affair with your boss and the attention she gets from other colleagues have nothing to do with you. It is true that some companies frown upon affairs in the office (notably those where ‘chinese walls’ need to be preserved) but it is a very common and accepted occurrence in lots of organisations.
I wonder who appointed you guardian of public morality in Russia? And if you are British, what gives you the right to do so given track record of relationships in this country?
My advice is, look at yourself first and learn to deal with it fast. Presumed affair does not seem to affect the work of either party only yours! And it appears you did not have much say in the promotion of the young woman on your team. Evidence is stacking up here that the only real problem is you, especially your jealousy/envy coupled with the lack of team leadership skills.
Beware, your boss knows this! If he has not before the affair, he surely does now. On second thought, I think your only option is to find another job now.
Posted by: female, 58 | January 10th, 2008 at 1:41 am | Report this commentIt’s Russia. Where men are men and women are “oppressed”. So these things happen - the boss is EXPECTED to have a woman around with whom he is having an affair. Tell your team there would be something wrong with your boss and he would be viewed as ineffective if he DIDN’T have a mistress in the office. Then relax and forget it - until you are the boss and can have your own mistress.
Posted by: Tory Torrison | January 10th, 2008 at 4:23 am | Report this commentThe boss should get to sleep with the pretty employees first- he is the boss. You all will just have to dream about it and wait your turn.
Posted by: bongomundo | January 10th, 2008 at 7:12 am | Report this commentBut look at the bright side. If things go badly between them, the relationship might implode and she could be down the road, looking for another job- or he could have a heart attack and you could become boss.
Seducing her yourself will not solve your problems: it will only make your boss mad. Why don’t you try to seduce your boss, instead? That would solve all of your problems at once.
Posted by: Enrico | January 10th, 2008 at 7:29 am | Report this commentYou have clearly been working in Russia for about 30 seconds - this is such normal business/life practice as to be unworthy of the time I am spending writing this.
In a straw poll in a mid-sized PR agency (principally female employees) about 75% of them are having affairs. About 50% of the affairees were more than averagely attractive.
Either get along with the somewhat strange views on sex and the workplace or acknowledge that you maybe culturally out of your depth. Otherwise known as another overpaid, under-performing expat. Don’t worry it will only be another 18 months until you are culturally aligned and actively producing - by which stage you will undoubtedly be moving on.
Male, 42, Brit (resident in Russia 14 years). Not currently having an affair with employees (or anyone else for that matter.)
Posted by: Alistair Stobie | January 10th, 2008 at 9:39 am | Report this commentSo, you live in Russia and do not expect corruption? Life is hard and there are many pretty women, many very ruthless, like the men. If you even survive as you are you are doing well?
Posted by: Bruce Mack | January 10th, 2008 at 9:50 am | Report this commentI’ve worked in Russia for twelve years and I can never remember any organisation that did not have its quota of beautiful blondes who were having affairs with senior staff. It’s part of the Russian office politics scene. Right now I run a project team of around 30 people and one beautiful girl (brunette) is, I am sure, having affairs with two of my most senior executives. Three more of my married male colleagues are sleeping around outside the office - I’ve seen the girlfriends in very intimate clinches with them.
If they can keep their sex-lives from interfering in their work lives, I turn a blind eye. But if I see any signs of the affairs disrupting office efficiency and harmony, then out will go the offender(s). Not on moral grounds but for poor work performance.
Don’t follow the advice of some posters by informing the boss’s wife - that’s just plain nasty and has nothing to do with the workplace.
Either accept that this behaviour is culturally quite normal in Russia or quit.
Posted by: Stephen, consultant, 60 | January 10th, 2008 at 9:51 am | Report this commentWrite to the FT about it so that the entire team, and management, can read all about it and take it from there…
Posted by: John | January 10th, 2008 at 10:41 am | Report this commentIf it is such a distraction that it causing work performance to suffer, we would address the issue confidentially with either the bosses manager or the HR department. Or, you could use her ‘power’ over your colleagues and make her some kind of team leader - sounds like she may have the ability to motivate them to achieve their, and your, business objectives.
Posted by: T&J | January 10th, 2008 at 11:42 am | Report this commentIf it is such a distraction that it causing work performance to suffer, we would address the issue confidentially with either the bosses manager or the HR department. Or, you could use her ‘power’ over your colleagues and make her some kind of team leader - sounds like she may have the ability to motivate them to achieve their, and your, business objectives.
Posted by: T&J | January 10th, 2008 at 11:42 am | Report this commentMy brother, The best i can do for you is to think of enterprise first. If you love your job as a team lead, then follow procedure and escalate every breach from both of them.
Posted by: prinx | January 10th, 2008 at 1:34 pm | Report this commentYour problem is very small.You and your colleagues
has developed disliking against that woman and your Boss as well ; and this is natural.
Try to understand If she is pretty by face than you must develop beauty in your mind.
The best way is use your intelligence and start encouaging that pretty barbi doll and and provide them more and more chances to see each other .
This will encourage the couple to remain more and more with eact other.
Now if their affair get success than you will be the first in thier good books and you will get promotions( same is with your staff)
and suppose if this affair ends up in failure than by your all cooperative behaviors your Boss will be fed up far earlier with that woman ; but again you all will be in good book of your Boss.
This is the corporate world we all here to earn ( Reward+ Favor) that we have to against all odds.
Donot show any negative resentment if you want play a long inning.
Posted by: Waseem Iqbal | January 10th, 2008 at 1:39 pm | Report this commentThis could be a route to promotion. Just make a few silent calls to his house in the evenings, or even once or twice during the night. His wife will think he’s having an affair and could get him to leave the company.
Alternatively, wait till the pretty blonde is away from the office and organise for some roses to be delivered to his desk, with a card saying “I miss you” and some kisses. He’ll think they’re from her, and when she’s back in the office she’ll think he’s having an affair. Then tell your boss you think that the flowers were meant for her, from an admirer outside the company. Do that several times and they’ll soon dump each other.
Option 3 : The Peter Principle - Promote her to her level of incompetence. It may not get her fired, but it will get her out of the way.
Option 4 : Get a life.
Posted by: Haskey | January 10th, 2008 at 2:27 pm | Report this commentStop whining. Men get ahead on so much less talent.
Posted by: Narik, 30, female, analyst | January 10th, 2008 at 2:35 pm | Report this commentDude. If you are to succeed in Russia, you will have to become more culturally attuned. Immediately sack whoever on your team is the most “unmanageable” because that person is a threat to the company and to your boss. Put any other unmanagables on final warning. Replace the unmanageable with a beautiful and intelligent woman. If you can’t find one, fire another unmanagable and hire a beautiful but unintelligent woman and a capable but nerdly man. In this way you can satisfy both the company’s internal and external objectives. If you didn’t want to play sexual politics, then what are you doing in Russia?
Posted by: Elmer Fudd | January 10th, 2008 at 2:43 pm | Report this commentIn case you don’t understand the point of the post above, the reason to hire another beautiful woman is to create competition for the one currently carrying on with your boss. If he favors one he will lose the other. In this way you can give him variety while reducing the risk that one will become your boss. And if he spends too much time messing about with them, then you may get his job.
Posted by: Elmer Fudd | January 10th, 2008 at 3:10 pm | Report this commentThe best comments and suggestions for handling this situation comes from the people who’ve had long personal experiences with the Russian business culture. Listen to them.
Either quit and work in some other country or use it to your advantage by accepting it like an old veteran who’s beyond his years of understanding in the ways of office politics in Russia and your boss and co-workers will respect your personal and professional management skills.
Chances are the affair will run it’s course and she’ll either be out of a job or the new Mrs. boss squeeze. Either way you come out of it on top.
Until that happens. Determine what her strengths and weakness are and promote her to team leader or at least recommend it. Once again, if she’s fired. You’ll have the bosses and fellow team members respect, and a firmer shoulder to cry on when she’s out of work. You know? For a possible hook-up later (if you’re still interested?) If she has a long term relationship with the boss? You’ve helped your standing within the company.
Posted by: Just My Opinion | January 10th, 2008 at 4:45 pm | Report this commentDon’t worry too much. She’s just using him as a steping stone, and as soon as she gets the ear (and crotch) of HIS boss, your boss will be tossed away like a used condom.
Russian women are sharks - out for themselves and cold as ice. It may not seem so, but your boss is heading for disaster. He’s no match for her.
Posted by: Kings Lead Hat | January 10th, 2008 at 9:44 pm | Report this commentWait it out. The boss will not divorce the wife. When they break up, the blond will either be promoted or fired. You don’t want her as an enemy and you leave the option to be a consolation. Also, be the shoulder for the boss.
Posted by: Mathematician | January 10th, 2008 at 9:49 pm | Report this commentMy advice to the manager: mind your own business.
Posted by: Not a Girl | January 11th, 2008 at 11:17 am | Report this commentMy advice to the FT headline writer: Move into the 21st Century or at least the 20th Century. 28-year-old females are not girls. They are women.
Like most other people seem to be saying, wait it out. It is almost certainly not going to last and when it finishes she will probably be moved teams. Problem solved.
If it does last and you make a fuss, it is likely to be you who is moved, not her as your boss appears to prefer her to you.
If a member of your team complains, have a quiet word with your boss saying a member of your team feels he is favouring the girl (though obviously don’t mention names). You never know, it may all just be in your head.
Posted by: Emma | January 11th, 2008 at 4:24 pm | Report this commentIn Slovakia there is considered to be no special difference between the workplace and the outside world, so behaviour which would be considered ok between other aquaintances (ie trying to have affairs) is also ok in the workplace and behaviour which would not be (eg coercion) is also not ok in the workplace. I suspect it is similar in Russia.
Posted by: Richard | January 13th, 2008 at 12:11 pm | Report this commentFollowing on from my last message. One poster said “either get along with the somewhat strange views on sex and the workplace or …”.
It could be said that the British view of people getting together in the workplace as being off-limits is even more bizarre - especially considering that even most of us Brits anyway seem to end up with people we met at work (or fellow students while still in full-time education).
Posted by: Richard, British, 29 married to ex-colleague in Slovakia | January 13th, 2008 at 1:44 pm | Report this commentIt looks from your story that you have a crush on her as well.
Talk to your HR-department because these kinds of situations clearly need to be avoided.
Posted by: Derek | January 14th, 2008 at 9:53 am | Report this commentWhy don’t you just go and get a life? How can other people’s lives interest you so much really? What you need to do is have a life of your own to focus on. What is happening between these two people is nothing to do with you and why make it so? Go get yourself a beautiful girlfriend and have something in your own life to look forward to!
Posted by: ollie | January 14th, 2008 at 2:58 pm | Report this commentpretty easy really - grass him up to his own Boss ; keep your head down and get on with the job
Posted by: alan mexocan | January 14th, 2008 at 9:44 pm | Report this commentTake your mind off this affair and give some advice to young Nick. He needs your help and you can actually influence what he does.
Posted by: Professor David | January 15th, 2008 at 4:48 pm | Report this commentwww.talkenterprise.co.uk
I think most of you are being a bit presumptive about our writer, but I agree that he should do nothing about it. He has no standing. he should be fair and wait it out and take the hit if she is getting the edge by sex….lot of people on here that seem to be guilty of their own observations.
Posted by: Bruce | January 15th, 2008 at 10:02 pm | Report this commentI WAS once the young, smart, blond mistress of the boss 20 years my senior. And my colleagues were jealous, jealous, jealous. I handled it by working harder than any of them. So while they gossiped and complained, I learned, got noticed, got promoted, and eventually started my own company. Being the mistress got me into meetings and places I didn’t yet belong - my brains, not my body, kept me there. It wasn’t all wine and roses being the mistress - colleagues don’t trust you, and understandably so. The mistress has the bosses ear (as well as his, um, heart) and can wield some influence. Team member today, team leader tomorrow.
So I’m the boss now, baby. I didn’t get that way by spreading my legs, I got that way by keeping my mouth shut, my ears (not legs) open, and learning everything I could along the way. Most bosses have bosses (or partners) and poor performance of anyone, mistresses included, does not go unnoticed forever. My lover’s partners sure weren’t happy that I could polarize the workplace or create discontent. BUT I proved my professional ability to them as well - so much so that I climbed the ladder even faster because I proved I could keep my cool under intense pressure. It seems no one likes the sniveling, whiney workers who say “It’s not fair” instead of “How can I work harder and make an impression”.
Sometimes the pretty young thing banging the boss has brains, too. Keep that in mind. Are the men here angry that she set her sights higher up the food chain? Or is every one on this team so pious and morally erect that they would NEVER have a personal relationship with a hot, willing subordinate because the company must come first? The horror.
In school, no one liked the teacher’s pet because they were jealous. Awwww.
Welcome to the real world Mr. Manager. You’re 35. Now grow up.
Posted by: DW | January 16th, 2008 at 4:40 am | Report this commentIn terms of your team, this could be a good test of it. Those who are able to focus on their tasks and not their lust are the ones you may want mark as more valuable.
Posted by: z | January 17th, 2008 at 4:11 am | Report this commentRemember that you should try to only worry about what you can control and influence. (I know that is difficult.) You can control how hard you work, and what you focus on. You cannot control the actions of the blonde, or her besotted boss. If you do your best, and you are as talented as you believe you are, something good should come to you. If you waste your energy focusing on their affair, it will hurt you. Also remember, you can strongly influence the actions of your team.
It is fascinating to read the replies from posted by people who clearly have not read the orignal request but simply projected their own values onto what was written. Didn’t the poster say that it was HIS TEAM that had the problem, not him? Thank goodness there are still at least a few people left who have not fallen for this con that what you are outside the office is different to what you are inside. In my last job I was privileged to work with some of the United Kingdom’s most senior Military and Diplomatic personnal - and we were awarded the contract principally becuase our staff did not have the morals of a polecat. The West holds to marriage and family is still here - the Soviet Union despised marriage and family and has collapsed. One day they might put two and two together.
So, what to do? First, be very careful. You do not know they are having an affair and, even if they are, you do not know if she is using him as a stepping stone as some responders have intimated. Second, irrespective of whether they are having an affair or not, tell your team to make damn sure their work is better than hers - there are always more fish in the sea. Third, if anyone starts letting this affect their work you are better off without them. Fourth, make sure you are an exemplary Team Leader so that when the relationship breaks down (and I do agree with others that it probably will) you will be the one on whom the boss can lean, which will do you no harm at all in the long run!
Posted by: Report writer | January 17th, 2008 at 11:22 am | Report this commentWow… anyone have advice on how I can get a job in Russia? I’m an I-banker who speaks practical A-level Russian and would love to have a fling with a blonde Russian underling. I won’t promote her, though, just appease her with attention, gifts and well-honed technique. And maybe vouch for a tourist visa to the US.
Posted by: Scooter | January 18th, 2008 at 1:54 am | Report this comment…”She is 28, blonde, and quite beautiful.”
Would it bother you less if she were 50, brunette and butt-ugly?
If the environment is too distracting for you then it may be you who has to leave. Asking your boss to dump his girlfriend doesn’t sound like a good business plan.
Posted by: StyleSwag | January 19th, 2008 at 7:31 pm | Report this commentHow do you know the reason for her promotions? Is it possible that she has done exceptional work that you have not seen - reports that you were not copied on, for example? You say that you are “almost certain” that she and the boss are having an affair, but you do not have definite proof.
It is possible for a woman to be beautiful and also talented and intelligent.
Why not suggest that your company institute a formal appraisal system, where promotions have to be accompanied by written evidence supporting the promotion.
Posted by: Mrs. M | January 21st, 2008 at 9:18 am | Report this commentIf you’re confident enough that you got it rigth abou that love affair, talk to your boss. It’s his mistress, so the ensuing problems ought to be HIS problems. Make him understand that his interventon would be beneficial to him, to you, to the team.
You can only deal with protected people by talking to their protector.
More fundamentally, one should never accept a management position without real authority over the team. That implies having a say over promotion, inclusion in the team … It might not prevent love affairs but it makes the handing of favours behind your back more difficult.
Someone mentioned Shakespeare but Tchekhov is probably a more appropriate reference. I hope it will not all end up in a tragic or farcical way.
Good luck!
Posted by: Letskeepcool | January 21st, 2008 at 11:20 am | Report this commentSome matters are beyond one’s purview, while others are none of one’s business–your question falls under both.
Some matters one is not the best judge of, either because one is among those who fancy the lady, or because one fancies one of the gentlemen who fancy the lady–a question which is both beyond my purview and none of my business.
Posted by: HKLivingston, 26, investment banker | January 22nd, 2008 at 3:51 am | Report this commentMy advice is to start looking for a new job. I was in a similar situation. Girl at my level having affair with her (and my) boss’ boss. An attempt was made to discuss with him that there appeared to be favouritism going on, that there was a lot of gossip and that morale was suffering. He angrily denied that anything was going on and the atmosphere in the department became unbearable. Later he left his wife, girl announced she was pregnant and moved in with him.
I wish I had left sooner - it was the most miserable 12 months of my professional life.
Posted by: Jonathan | January 22nd, 2008 at 12:00 pm | Report this commentTry growing up and concentrating on doing a good job.
Posted by: Steve | January 23rd, 2008 at 6:11 pm | Report this commentSOLUTION:
Just tell her husband…
Posted by: Ronnie | January 24th, 2008 at 12:12 pm | Report this commentHe will solve your problem.
Oops,
This is Russia, where the amount of very attractive, beautiful, galante women far exceed that of England (By far that’s it would be an insult to even start putting a figure on it). So just wait that another very attractive woman come along and your boss will dump her. Better still, keep the new one for yourself (even if you are married, and particularly if you are married with an english woMan:>
Posted by: mike | January 24th, 2008 at 1:11 pm | Report this commentJoin my firm - there’s plenty of this going on at the moment - best solution as said above - have a go yourself…………….
Posted by: Pooch | January 24th, 2008 at 1:36 pm | Report this commentInitiate and arrange parties or teambuilding with the spouses/partners attending as a compulsory condition. Your boss will bring his wife along and the young blond will be required to bring someone else as well. The boss’ wife will figure out the situation pretty quickly, boss will be very curious if the blond brought someone else as well. Have fun!
Posted by: Smiley | January 24th, 2008 at 1:52 pm | Report this commentAs an employer of a small team of Russians I am astounded to discover in your letter that it is only one devastingly beautiful woman and only one affair. If there is only one “Real Man”, to use the Russian term, in your team you are all going down the tubes very soon.
Russians want a boss who knows how to use power.
Find the second most beautiful woman and start an affair. It is the only way to maintain your credibility.
Posted by: Volga Pirate, 56, Male, Entrerpeneur | January 24th, 2008 at 2:11 pm | Report this commentAnother good idea is to hire second smart and ambitious blond (there are plenty of them in Russia) and put them next to each other in terms of responsibility and accountability. I believe your boss will support this idea but you will have good manipulation tool at hand. This is going to be short- to mid-term strategy as one of them will soon leave and you will be facing old dilemma again. Let’s make a sweaty time for both again. I am sure you will gain respect of your team back again.
Please do not forget to have fun in any situation.
Posted by: Smiley | January 24th, 2008 at 2:16 pm | Report this commentPS
Posted by: Volga Pirate, 56, Male, Entrepreneur | January 24th, 2008 at 2:20 pm | Report this commentThe communists abolished marriage in the early days of the Soviet Union. Marriage is seriously weak, essentially a claim on child support. While marriage was abolished, most of the women in a community focused on a handful of superior men. A senior party position helped. The women’s brothers and fathers ended up with the childcare costs and no sex. The Grandmother’s rebelled. Stalin supported them. Marriage was restored. Women got child support and Beta males got wives. Since then, state child support has always been generous so marriage weak.
I was in an organization in Moscow in late 90s and every single one of 30 expats were having extramarrital affairs. The boss was sleeping with his secretary. Recently a major investment bank had a similar scandal in Moscow. I know what you mean and how your indignation, envy and anger can get in the way of your work. Do this: Place some great jobs ads secretly on this woman’s desk each morning, then encourage her that she is worth many times more than in your organization and finally, tell her she will be appreciated far more in a Russian organization than in a foreign company. She will leave for greener pastures and with her looks, boy, can they be green! Meanwhile, enjoy the drama and don’t take it personally. I am sure you are a good looking woman too.
Posted by: Ari | January 24th, 2008 at 3:30 pm | Report this commentA survey by “Expert” Business magazine in 1998 reported that sexual “harassement” at workplace in Russia was 100% Except that there is no harassement. Russian men are spoilt brats and drunks. A Yukos survey from Russian far-east in mid-90s concluded that 85% women wanted Chinese husbands: they do not get drunk, work and bring money and do not beat up their wives.
Posted by: Ari | January 24th, 2008 at 3:38 pm | Report this commentWomen at work place in Moscow encourage and seduce their foreign bosses and colleagues. They all want a ticket out of there. Just see how many of them are available as mail-order brides.
Chances are you cannot do anything about all of it. On the other hand, its a candy store for expat men who get anywhere with their looks or personality back home sleeping with super models and sex bombs in Moscow.
If you are male, join the party. If you are female, many sophisticated Russian entrepreneursactually prefer foreign-made women. Consult Exile, they are good at this sort of stuff.
They say in the real world, “You dont Sh** where you Eat.”
But its also been said and advised over and over that you should avoid being emotional at work!
1- Face the other side of the coin, you are jealous to the bone
2-How can all your males in the team admit their crush on her to you and eachother, some integrity is needed here, add it.
3- If you boss reads this on FT, he’ll deny you your position for taking issues at work public and of FT!!!!
4-If you boss is doing great with other teams and successful with the board, there is no chance all these comments will do you any good. You might want to stop it here with two options:
A- Handle your emotions
B-Open your own business
Conclusion STOP WATCHING THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL if you can’t accept Eric’s passion for Donna. Live with it Stephany Forrestor!
By the way I love B&B, you can catch up with it any year, any episode and feel like you didn’t miss much…
————–
Posted by: Dear Girl | January 24th, 2008 at 4:40 pm | Report this commentI totally understand your situation.
I work for a company in the US.
Last year I was the manager of a team where one of my subordinates -blond, young, attractive and underqualified for her job- was(is) having an affair with my boss.
Everybody knew that, and this was destroying the team because my boss was giving her very important assignments over other members of the team that were far more prepared and had specifically asked me for those projects.
She was constantly underperforming or making mistakes and many times I ended up asking those other team members to help her correcting/finishing a job that would have been taken less time and effort if she had not been involved.
I tried to improve the situation and told my boss that -although I shared his trust in her potential -this was not contributing to the performance of the team.
Posted by: Natalie, female, 28, Consultant | January 24th, 2008 at 7:28 pm | Report this commentThe result? I was reallocated to a lower position where I am not managing her, she is still there, soon to be promoted, things don’t get done, and my ex-team members are still frustrated and looking for other jobs.
My suggestion: BE SMART. Try to keep up the team morale but don’t go against her or the boss. You will lose.
Furthermore, his wife might never realize of the affair and if she does, she might not do anything. In the meantime, update your resume and begin to look for other opportunities…
Clearly your concern is that she’ll be promoted over you. And then you’ll be held back in your job. I’m ignoring petty office politics…
You need to keep your head down (not there!) and just keep working.
Only get involved if you can get your boss fired or if you can guarantee that she will look thoroughly incompetent. And you have to be sure no blame will fall back on you.
Otherwise, befriend your boss and become her protector. But only if the resentment you cause to yourself within the team won’t have knock-on consequences on you.
Otherwise you’ll be resented and fired within nanoseconds…
Posted by: James | January 25th, 2008 at 5:07 pm | Report this commentCall the waimbulance.
Stay out of it, ignore it, and grow a pair. You are obsessing. Play the long game. These things always end in tears, and you can get your revenge by being the shoulder that your boss cries on in the aftermath of the relationship, whilst the two of you discuss Tatjana’s demerits over martinis.
Of course, this means that you will be the next project manager and handle All Things Important while the boss is picking up the pieces of his life, drinking away his misery.
Furthermore, and most important, keep us updated.
Posted by: KatyZ. | January 25th, 2008 at 5:56 pm | Report this commentI do not understand what is the problem. Nowhere is it stated that the alleged affair has impaired the effectiveness of your team. Shut up and do your job; and stop bringing your “values” and standards into a very different business culture.
Posted by: MichaelO | January 28th, 2008 at 4:40 pm | Report this commentIf you don’t fancy seducing her yourself or starting an affair with another attractive blonde as a rival alpha male, then there is great scope for being a bit of an agent provocateur, via anonymous power playing behind the scenes. This could include sending her flowers mysteriously, leaving interesting telephone messages and sending intriguing emails. Eventually your boss will get jealous and there will be a big ding-dong in the office, to the amusement and entertainment of all those huddling around the water cooler. And she will be fired. Or alternatively you could ignore it and just get on with your job …
Posted by: Sasha, female, 40, consultant | January 30th, 2008 at 6:06 pm | Report this commentI can hardly believe that no-one is sticking up for the wife here. What kind of a man does this? What kind of a boss must he be? I don’t care if it is common in Russia. A rotter is a rotter, whether he’s in Russia or England. Everyone who ignores this behaviour supports it. The girl is almost as bad. The original writer is quite rightly appalled and frustrated at being so helpless to act.
For what it’s worth, I’ve worked in Russia too. And I instantly lost respect for any man I knew to be cheating, or not speaking out against others who were cheating.
By the way, there are some honourable men in Russia.
Posted by: Rachel | January 30th, 2008 at 6:44 pm | Report this commentNo one answered my previous question! How can I get one of these jobs??
To the problem questioner - your solution is to get out more, and get some woman action there yourself. It’ll take your mind off things at work and you’ll feel like you’re also in the loop as he is. There’s got to be a blonde, beautiful Russian girl who would be keen on spending some time with you while you’re there. You’re probably not Russian and living expat or in some other sweet arrangement while you’re there as well - thus luckier than most domestic workers - so why not just live and enjoy it? That kind of option doesn’t come around that often in life. Just deal with the team and remember it’s just work. A young, pretty Svetlana is probably just around the corner waiting for you. (Just don’t go for the paid ones. Get the real ‘girlfriend’ version.)
When in Rome (or Rostov-on-Don?), do as the Romans do.
Posted by: Scooter | February 8th, 2008 at 9:36 am | Report this commentI am now in Russia. I have put this question to my staff. This is Russia and I am the boss so they agree with me. On the other hand, several of them are delightful ladies, two unmarried and none seem to be trying to engage me in an affair. Perhaps I too lack the Alpha male factor? Am I culturally blind to thier attentions? This “Dear Lucy” problem has raised an important question concerning my management style. I am certain other businessmen here are having affairs all the time. Is it an illusion caused by the amazing display of fashionable ladies everywhere?
Posted by: Volga Pirate, Male, 56 | February 12th, 2008 at 1:27 pm | Report this commentThis happened to me with a fantastic assignment being handed on a plate to an absolute beginner who knew nothing about her subject. I was the resident expert and young up and coming male on the team, however the older Director (he must have been around 20 years older than her and me) hated me - for obvious reasons! She basically flirted with the boss and got what she wanted. I got myself a beautiful, sexy lady outside of work and am now a million times happier as I don’t give two hoots what happens at work any more!
Posted by: CW | February 14th, 2008 at 5:01 pm | Report this commentBe nice to her. If you want to work in a different culture you have to like playing by different rules.
Posted by: Chris | February 21st, 2008 at 11:17 am | Report this commentAsk them if you can join in. Send the FT some pictures so that we can all have a laugh.
Posted by: keith | March 3rd, 2008 at 5:07 pm | Report this commentListen, get a life, find a woman prettier than her(even if you have to pay ). That will cheese her off more than anything. Last laugh will be yours.
Easy - move to America. There is nothing you can do about it in Russia - it’s probably the cultural norm and you are just jealous. Russia has more females than males, because the male population was slaughtered during the second world war and afterwards during the Soviet self-destruction. If you are a committed activist - hire someone to take a compromising picture of them and send it unanimously to the wife.
If your subordinates are disgruntled sooner or later one of them will commit a faux pas - figure out which one and be ready to sacrifice him for the common good - the rest of them will fall in line.
Posted by: Consultant in US | March 4th, 2008 at 7:58 pm | Report this commentyou might also have to learn not to be presumptuous; having traveled for the last 9 years across the region I can tell you that the average looks of professional EE woman are pretty high and the dress code somewhat more feminine. Just because your fantasy might be running wild, it does not necessarily mean that she is “at it” with the boss. Elina, IB
Posted by: Elina | March 20th, 2008 at 5:22 pm | Report this commentNo wonder the financial system is about to go under with so many immoral creeps working in it. The poster is absolutely right - it is a disgusting abusive situation and he SHOULD be outraged by it.
On the other hand he should not get involved - just ignore it and hope it goes away.
As for the rest of you…
Posted by: Francis - 42 - father | April 7th, 2008 at 2:37 am | Report this commentBE SURE THY SINS WILL FIND THEE OUT!!!
Why does everyone here emphasise that this is happening in Russia? I have an impression that all of you are commenting not the problem, but Russia (I am russian and I am sure that such situation is universal and can happen anywhere, not only in Russia). And I can not understand what is the problem in this situation? Does it interfere company`s work? Does it have negative impact on financial performance? Maybe people don`t have enough work to do that is why they have time for discussing such issues. Or maybe you like this blonde pretty woman yourself and angry that she spends more time with the boss?
Posted by: Anna,23, female, specialist in marketing | April 15th, 2008 at 9:06 am | Report this comment