February 21, 2008
‘Should I risk my annual appraisal over a family emergency?’
It is half term and I have sent my 10-year-old son off on his own to an adventure camp. The centre called last night to say he is really homesick, and I have spoken to them again this morning and he is still miserable. I would like to get into the car now and pick him up but if I go today it will mean being out of the office, and missing my annual appraisal with my boss – and she is famously disapproving of women who let their children interfere with their work. Should I let my unhappy son wait another day? Or should I go and get him now? In which case, do I tell my boss the truth – that my son isn’t even ill, just homesick – or do I pretend to be ill myself?
Manager, female 39
Lucy’s Answer
If your son is 10, I’m surprised you’re not an old hand at dealing with these little crises by now. Work pulls one way, children the other, leaving you in the middle trying to untangle the strands of duty, fear and guilt. It is never nice, or easy.
A lot of readers have written in saying smugly: “I always put my children first.” This is remarkably unhelpful. We all put our children first - subject to the constraints of earning a living and having a career. The two clash, often, and in each case you have to weigh up two competing evils.
In your case, it isn’t clear what putting your son first means. That depends on your attitude to misery, to homesickness and to the building of backbone. Perfectly reasonable-sounding parents disagree on this violently. Many believe that children benefit from being unhappy but I’ve never seen how misery helps form character at all.
I was the wimpiest, most homesick child in my class. I remember every horrible minute of my school trip to Belgium at 10, and it formed my character only to the extent that I discovered staying away from home was hell and that I would have to plan carefully in future to avoid ever letting it happen again.
If I were you I’d get into that car right now and go and get him. As for the work appraisal, that’s easy too: I would lie.
Many readers say your boss sounds so awful you should look for a new job. This is too extreme. If she is famously disapproving about family demands then everyone else simply needs to be famously disinclined to tell the truth - and working life can then proceed more or less as normal.
With any luck, your annual appraisal, usually a wretched waste of time, may be postponed or, better still, forgotten about altogether.
I think that picking your son up would do a disservice to you both. In your case, it will go down rather badly with your boss, casting a dark shadow over your appraisal (however good your performance may have been during the year).
Posted by: Gabriel | February 21st, 2008 at 8:23 am | Report this commentIn your son’s case, it will deprive him of a valuable lesson better learnt when you’re young: sometimes you just have to get on with it.
Gabriel, 27, Male, Researcher.
It sounds cruel to ask because I’m not aware of your situation, but I can assume that there is no father to pick him up? Or a relative?
Further I agree with Gabriel, your son will manage another day at the camp, for him it’s a learning experience.
Posted by: Derek | February 21st, 2008 at 8:52 am | Report this commentI am appalled that you even think that there is a choice - the emotional security of a 10 year old son should count over everything else, most of all over a JOB. If this is not something you can understand, you have a problem, and I would strongly advocate counselling. If this is not something your boss or company can understand, pack your bags and get out - believe me there are enough successful companies and bosses out there who have learnt how to reasonably balance a personal and professional life. I am also assuming of course that there is no one else (spouse or partner) who could do this for your son right now.
Posted by: Out of the box, 43, Male | February 21st, 2008 at 9:14 am | Report this commentYour relationship with your son, and his development, are the main issues. While homesickness is a terrible feeling, we all have to deal with it sooner or later and our mummies have to stay on the sidelines and suffer.
As for missing your appraisal, any boss who takes a dim view of your decision to put family issues ahead of a routine internal meeting is probably not worth working for. My advice would be to take the day off, leave your son to do some painful growing up, and use the time to look for a new job with an employer who is more sympathetic - they do exist!
Age 54, Male, Vice President
Posted by: Chris | February 21st, 2008 at 9:36 am | Report this comment(1) Don’t go. Nothing to do with your appraisal: your son needs to free himself from your (metaphorical) apron strings. If you rush to him when someone says he’s homesick, he’ll never find the emotional security he needs as he grows up. Very likely you’ll hear in a day or two that he’s enjoying himself famously.
(2) Look for another job. A female boss who bullies her women subordinates is just as bad as the male equivalent. Yours sounds as if she is looking for opportunities to put you down - family cares will not be her only excuse. Get out as soon as you can.
Age 65, male, consultant
Posted by: John | February 21st, 2008 at 10:09 am | Report this commentPersonal stability is necessary to perform in the long run in professional matters. The things that happen need to be dealt with, whether happy (having a child for instance) or sad (accidents, sickness and worse).
Your manager will probaby give you credit for dealing with your personal issues if she is good.
Your appraisal is an administrative issue, no life is at risk. If you think your son needs you, go!
Maybe he’s also wanting your attention, which is a whole different matter - and can lead you to reassess some things in your life, get to know him better, bond, etc. An exciting challenge.
Posted by: coco, 35, male, COO | February 21st, 2008 at 11:58 am | Report this commentDear Lucy,
Annual Appraisal. Me: Roger. Male. 70. Ex-Chartered Engineer. Retired.
Three suggested actions:
1. Inform your son that you will pick him up on the day after your appraisal. (He will feel better knowing there is a definite end in sight).
2. Try to work out with him why he has so little self-confidence and see what actions you can take to improve it.
Posted by: Roger Bater | February 21st, 2008 at 1:58 pm | Report this commentIt seems to be well covered here, but do not visit or pick up your son. You will be doing him a huge disservice. Even the most homesick kid get over it and will be better for it. Go to your review, and don’t worry about your son.
As for the unsympathetic boss, I agree with those that say dump her. This is not 1950 and if she cannot manage the reality of work/life balance for her employees, you will do well to find a new job - after getting your stellar perfomance review, of course.
Posted by: DM, 38, Male | February 21st, 2008 at 2:15 pm | Report this commentDon’t lie, and skip the appraisal if stability at your job is necessary to ensure you can properly support you and your son. I’m sure your boy would be even more unhappy if you’re both cast out on the streets.
Posted by: Steve, 37, male, CFO | February 21st, 2008 at 3:25 pm | Report this commentWhy are you submitting a problem that deserves immediate attention to a weekly column? I suggest that you don’t worry about it too much. By the time you read this it will have been resolved either way.
Posted by: Kerry, 22, male, Producer | February 21st, 2008 at 5:48 pm | Report this commentWhether or not to pick up your son is your choice based on your parenting style and relationship with him.
Posted by: Techie, 35, male, manager | February 21st, 2008 at 5:50 pm | Report this commentA boss that does not feel personal and family life have a place in your life, and therefore will influence at times your availability to/at work - is a bigger problem and should be dealt with rather sooner than later.
It is possible that at the next corporate turmoil your boss will not favor anyone (including you) but only herself !
no matter what happens, my son comes first even if i was to lose my job! if because i’m taking just one day off to sort a personal problem could be viewed as one not being serious at work, well, so be it. to hell with the promotion!
Posted by: Nnebaby | February 21st, 2008 at 6:53 pm | Report this commentYou write …”It is half term and I have sent my 10-year-old son off on his own to an adventure camp.” This suggests to me some reluctance on his part to go. Perhaps sending him was an attempt to be as tough as your boss. Perhaps you were ‘building yourself up’ for your appraisal? If so, it is not surprising if you are now feeling guilty and inclined to make hasty decisions. But, as long as you phone to reassure him that you love him and miss him, it may be as well to let him work through his homesickness. Like nerves before exams, homesickness is an anxiety that we have to learn to manage (or it will manage us).
Posted by: Francis Hunot (Male - retired) | February 21st, 2008 at 8:06 pm | Report this commentmy first summer at sleep-away camp — I was 8 yrs old and it lasted 2 months — I was so “miserable” that I mailed home a used Band-Aid to show my parents how I was suffering. I begged to be taken home. By the end of the summer, I was crying because I didn’t want to leave all my friends. Let the kid grow up.
Posted by: patricia, female | February 21st, 2008 at 8:27 pm | Report this commentYour boss is mean and stupid and deserves to be lied to. So lie. Tell her you’re ill.
Posted by: Brian, Creative Director 39 | February 21st, 2008 at 10:25 pm | Report this comment55, male, lawyer
Have you ever listened to Allen Sherman’s ‘Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah’? If not, you should. It is all part of growing up.
Posted by: Wilks | February 21st, 2008 at 10:31 pm | Report this commentForget the appraisal and consider your son. If you rush off to retrieve him, it could be a humiliating setback in his memory that may take a long time to fade. If he can last out (and even start to enjoy parts of the camp) it could be a valuable experience. 10 years old seems rather young to send your son to an adventure camp but assuming it is reputable, it might be best to have a more detailed discussion with the senior camp personnel to check that he is safe and not being bullied and to get their assessment of whether he will become less miserable. If it is reasonably possible for him to complete the week then let him do so but turn up ridiculously early to pick him up on the final day of the camp.
Posted by: Ironybrew, Male, Retired, 58 | February 22nd, 2008 at 4:03 am | Report this commentAsk your son to call in sick for you.
Posted by: Emmet, Male, 34, unemployed | February 22nd, 2008 at 5:15 am | Report this commentI’m on the ‘tough love’ side. If he’s not physically sick nor does he have serious psychological problems, one extra day won’t hurt. You may even find him reluctant to return when you do pick him up.
Save your need to ask for family leave for the times you really need it — like visits to the emergency ward.
You’ve probably sorted it out by now (and I’d love to know what you chose to do)
Posted by: AW, Director, 37 | February 22nd, 2008 at 8:49 am | Report this commentForgot to add, female - mother of kids aged 4 and 3. AW
Posted by: AW, Director, 37 | February 22nd, 2008 at 8:51 am | Report this commentYour relationship with your son should always come before work. I had a similar situation in the half term and dropped everything. He is only ten and there will be plenty of time for him to adjust to life without mummy, that is what being a teenager is all about.
As for missing your appraisal, I agree with an earlier comment that when a boss is negative about your decision to put family issues ahead of a routine internal meeting it is time to move on. I am lucky to work for an employer who is completely sympathetic to these issues - they do exist!
What did you do???
Posted by: Josephine | February 22nd, 2008 at 8:59 am | Report this commentGet a life, woman!
Your son will have many more things to cope with in life than this.
Now, if it was a football final……
Mark, M 52 CEO of own company
Posted by: Mark | February 22nd, 2008 at 3:28 pm | Report this commentAs a CEO of an organization that transacts over a billion dollars per year, my advice is very short; get in your car, pick-up your son, and don’t worry about the performance review. You may want to buy the kid a great big ice cream on the drive home too. Hugs and kisses are also in order.
All organizations are about people; staff are not machines. Truly great managers deal with their staffs’ needs one-on-one. This is a case where the needs of your son, and your needs as a mother, are greater than the needs of the firm. Naturally, give your boss a quick call, explain the situation, even offer to carryout the review by cell phone, or perhaps the next morning at an early breakfast meeting. If he doesn’t understand, start looking for another job. They don’t deserve you and you deserve better.
Jack Slibar, 43 yrs, male, CEO
Posted by: Jack Slibar | February 23rd, 2008 at 6:57 pm | Report this commentWell, no wonder so many young women are single. Mothers are spending too much time developing wimps instead of helping their sons to grow up and become MEN.
Running to pick him up (despite scheduled apparaisal or bossy manager) is teaching him a life lesson on how not to deal with uncomfortable situations and how to GIVE UP. He is a boy who needs to toughen up and you are a mother who need to let him GROW UP.
Otherwise, you are risking having that “boy” asking you to come and pick him up… at age 35, because he is afraid to sleep alone…after his wife has finally decided to walk leave him.
Posted by: KIM - SVP 45 | February 23rd, 2008 at 10:37 pm | Report this commentGo and pick the boy up, give him a great big cuddle and buy him some chocolate.
Then look forward to spending the rest of your life running after an ungrateful, overweight mummy’s boy.
By the age of three kids know exactly which buttons to push to get their parents to do things and he is pushing yours like mad. I bet secretly he’s having a great time but just wants you to know you are at his beck and call.
Posted by: Stuart - FD | February 24th, 2008 at 4:56 pm | Report this commentI have three sons - 18, 15 and 11. Please put your 10 year old before your job. A 10 year old needs his mother and is too young to be shunted off to an “adventure camp.” I traded in my career (BTW, making more than my husband) to raise my children and pour my gifts and talents into their lives instead of some corporation that won’t even remember me in my old age. My young men are not momma’s boys - they are self assured, strong, talented and respectful kids and I know it was because they had a secure upbringing knowing they had someone in their corner 24/7. Now that’s confidence building. The fact that you had to get a consensus to make your decision is very disturbing. I can’t believe your didn’t get your behind to that camp to find out “the rest of the story.” GO NOW.
Posted by: Laura | February 25th, 2008 at 6:58 am | Report this commentLaura 50 mother
Fascinating correspondence. I thought this site was about resolving business problems, whereas this week’s issue has been turned into a forum for Dr Spock-wannabees. We know nothing about your son so have no idea whether rescuing him is the right response to an emotional problem (you don’t say, but the implication appears to be that nothing similar has happened in your son’s previous ten years, in which case this might well be a serious crisis that you should respond to immediately) or whether, as several posters assume, this is a kid being wet and/or manipulative, who needs a lesson on growing up.
For me, your problem is not about your son (family issues - when warranted - should ALWAYS take priority over work issues, but only you are in the position to decide when this is the case) but about your boss. I am appalled that you would even consider continuing to work for this dinosaur. Get out and find a job where you can combine professional satisfaction and rewards with the freedom to put family first whenever required. As other posters have said, these jobs exist. I have 32 people reporting directly to me and if any of them put their work ahead of their family I would seriously question their fitness to be part of my team. I want functional human beings (with all the problems that go with that), not a bunch of heartless, robotic wage-slaves.
In the meantime, as others have said, what did you actually do and how did your son and boss react to your decision?
Posted by: Stephen, 61, male, consultant | February 25th, 2008 at 11:02 am | Report this commentBah! Performance appraisals are not client meetings - reschedule and explain. Or, if the schedule of the boss is filled to the hilt with appraisals, arrange with a colleague to swap to another day and coordinate with the boss. Problem solved.
Consultant, male, 27
Posted by: Kestutis | February 25th, 2008 at 11:07 am | Report this commentWhy does everyone miss the obvious? Have a talk with the boy yourself on the phone before you go anywhere and determine if the situation is all that bad as to warrant picking him up. Ten is NOT too young to go to sleepaway camp - I started at seven! Went every summer until I was 13. There were a few times I cried and wanted to go home, and good thing the counselors just got me involved in an activity until I forgot about it. How much of this request for advice is about your guilt? I once knew a lady who was a super-exec and a supermom, and I was shocked to hear her admit in private that she felt guilty all the time - guilty when she was at work for not being with her kids and guilty when she was at home for not being at work. And really guilty if she took any time for herself! Unwedge yourself from that rock and hard place between your office and your son, and listen to your own values and conscience. It’s not always work first, or your family first. Depends on the situation and your values. What is it important that your son learn here? That sometimes he must stick it out or that mummy is always there for him? There’s not right or wrong answer. Only you can determine that. And any way you slice it, sounds like it’s time to look for a new job unless you want to remain a “victim” of your boss. If you don’t like the way she is, get out. And listen to Hello Muddah Hello Faddah as suggested by another reader! It will make you laugh and diffuse the whole thing.
consultant female 35
Posted by: Stephanie | February 25th, 2008 at 3:55 pm | Report this commentSee majority of comments above plus
Posted by: A different John | February 25th, 2008 at 10:49 pm | Report this commentThe centre should put your son on the ‘phone to you - that might solve the homesickness problem.
Your spelling is English, not American: so, if his homesickness does constitute an emergency (rare, but theoretically possible), why cannot you drive over after work?
“famously disapproving” is allowable but if she permits her disapproval to affect her treatment of you, the EOC may have things to say - they almost certainly would to a male boss.
On the other hand, if you take a day off work without notice to go on a wild goose chase when some camp officer has decided she/he wants rid of your son who hasn’t done anything justifying an official complaint (e.g. pointing out when she/he got something wrong) then your boss can legitimately query your ability to manage other adults.
Lying to your boss is never a good idea - are you trying to reinforce the stereotype of working mothers who want the same pay without the same responsibilities?
I had a lady boss once who had nothing else in her life but her job. When yet another “important” meeting was moved to clash with something I’d promised to do with my son, enough was enough. I put him first and found another more suitable job with a more understanding boss as quickly as I could. Never mind your appraisal or what your boss thinks, what about your son? You’ve packed him off to a camp rather than take half term week off to do things with him. If he genuinely needs to be taken out of this environment that’s making him unhappy, go and fetch him. If you don’t, you’re sending out the message that he’s secondary to your work. If your son is your priority you’ll go and fetch him now and tell your boss the truth. She can take you or leave you but if it’s the latter, you may find you have a more balanced son who knows his mother puts him first in the longer term.
Posted by: Steve, father and civil servant, 44 | February 26th, 2008 at 9:34 am | Report this commenthttp://www.songfacts.com/lyrics.php?findsong=3608 for the lyrics to the Muddah, Faddah song.
Well spotted Wilks, brought back memories.
Posted by: Clive | February 27th, 2008 at 11:49 am | Report this commentWhen you get sacked in one of the endless rounds of “downsizings,” you’ll look back and kick yourself that you didn’t put family first.
Jobs today are a joke. Don’t worry one bit about kissing the arse of a boss; bosses don’t stick around long enough to do anything for you anyway.
Posted by: Linda | February 27th, 2008 at 5:35 pm | Report this commentAs chief executive of an organisation that turns over $1bn a year, my advice is very short: get in your car, pick up your son and don’t worry about the performance review. Buy the kid a great big ice cream on the drive home. Hugs and kisses are also in order. Give your boss a call, explain the situation, even offer to carry out the review by mobile phone, or next morning at an early breakfast meeting. If she doesn’t understand, start looking for a new job.
Posted by: CEO, male, 43 | February 28th, 2008 at 8:44 am | Report this commentAs a former summer camp counsellor I can tell you that homesickness is normal. Your son may cry for you the first few days of camp, but if you tough it out and make him stay, by the time camp ends he will be pleading with you to stay longer with his new friends. Be tough - stay for your annual appraisal - both you and he will be better off in the end.
Posted by: Anon, male | February 28th, 2008 at 8:45 am | Report this commentDon’t do anything. An occasional bout of misery, whether at home or elsewhere, is an unpleasant but vital part of growing up. If you remove your son early from the adventure camp, your boss will think you are just as pathetic as he is.
Posted by: Fund manager, male | February 28th, 2008 at 8:46 am | Report this commentTell your son you will get him the next day. This will cheer him up enormously and get him through the next 24 hours.
Then, when you’re with your boss, mention some very sad news you’ve just received about a sick relative. Earn brownie points for (bravely) making your annual appraisal, but have a good excuse for being absent the next day.
Posted by: Working mother | February 28th, 2008 at 8:47 am | Report this commentListen to Allan Sherman’s “Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah”. It’s all part of growing up.
Posted by: Lawyer, male, 55 | February 28th, 2008 at 8:48 am | Report this comment1) Speak to your son on the phone and reassure him - the week will be over soon.
Posted by: Andrew, 45 | February 28th, 2008 at 8:52 pm | Report this comment2) If you plan to send him to a camp - try and find someone who he knows to go away with.
3) Get him to join the Cubs/Scouts to develop his social skills & then persuade him to go camping. My son went away to camp for a night at 6 and at 11 loves camping!
4) If you have to cancel your appraisal - just tell your Boss that you have an urgent domestic problem and you want to rearrange. You dont have to go into detail - your private life is your own.
[…] Should a working mother miss an important work day to pick up her homesick child at camp? That’s the issue raised yesterday by a reader of Lucy Kellaway’s management column in the Financial Times. […]
Posted by: The Juggle - WSJ.com : Bolt From Work to To Pick Up An Unhappy Child? | February 29th, 2008 at 2:40 pm | Report this commentI have been involved with running similar camps and I agree that kids generally get over these things and enjoy it by the end. However, the fact that the call has come from the camp and not the son means it should be taken more seriously, as they see homesick kids every week and they have deemed it necessary to call after the counsellors have discussed it among themselves.
There are basically two possible reasons why they have decided this, reason one is that this is a much bigger case of homesickness than they normally see. Reason two is that possibly they have a view somewhat similar to the coach in the Muddah Faddah song “he don’t want no sissies” which means effectively that the kids have to qualify to be in the camp, the camp doesn’t have to bring them in to activities or choose activities to bring everyone in and they think their camp would run better without him. In either case I would take him home.
Ten years old is probably old enough to go away - I did at that age, but with my school, so the environment and the lack of parents were new, but not the people I was around, it’s not clear if this is the case this time.
As for the work situation, this is why staff being contractors who are paid by the hour (or by the lesson in my case) makes far more sense than being something like company-adopted children who get paid regardless of whether they do or don’t have what is seen as a valid reason to not be at work. If a plumber wanted to do some work on your house with a deal like that then you would not accept - or agree but give him a really low rate of pay. This might be part of the reason why companies give such a low proportion of the value you create back to you.
The reason your boss is anti-family is because your deal (ie standard employment) is set up in such a way that makes family anti-business. In my case (with staff as contractors) I don’t lose out when staff take time off and can genuinely share family worries and so on with them - and also pass on a high proportion of the value they create to them.
Obviously as a mother with a 10-year-old and (apparently) zero help from your husband or other family, the standard employment deal favours you (as you get paid the same as others who have fewer valid reasons to take time off), but this fact will impact on your career and how you are seen at work even though many people will lie and say this isn’t the case. However at the end of the day, we work in order to live, we don’t live in order to work - so don’t let this bother you too much.
Posted by: Richard, 30, male, Language School Manager, Slovakia | March 2nd, 2008 at 9:47 am | Report this commentThis is not a family emergency – this is a you are spoiled and irresponsible situation. You already spoil your son too much… you want him to grow up to be a sucker like yourself? Tell him he has to wait – the world does not revolve around him or you. He will survive and do just fine (and maybe even grow up?). And read some good parenting books.
Posted by: Consultant in US | March 4th, 2008 at 8:04 pm | Report this commentLife is too short. You should do what is right for your family. You will always feel better about this decision, even if it means you are one step behind in the rat race.
Sam Miller
Walker’s Research - a quality source of business information
Posted by: SamMiller | March 5th, 2008 at 1:27 pm | Report this commentTake a sick day and go get your son. However, don’t rush right out the door; spend part of the morning thinking. (What are you going to do with him the rest of the week?)
I am amazed at the comments about how you could find another job; there are better bosses out there; blah, blah, blah. Your son should grow up. Probably all by people who do not find themselves in these situations.
I have not found bosses or companies to be understanding on these issues. My daughter is 9. It has been a horrible struggle. The systems were invented and are maintained by men who have their spouses doing things for them. Non PC comment - but I don’t care.
I emphasis with you. I assume you need this position. Better line up better support systems at home. Yes, and your son is going to have to understand that he plays a role as well.
MJ, Female 50 currently at home having lost a job due to the above similar
Posted by: Mom in London | March 5th, 2008 at 2:24 pm | Report this commentWhat emergency? Your son is homesick–merely crying for Mummy, neither ill nor being mistreated.
Why is your boss being demonised? She has spelt out the terms of your responsibilities towards your position at the company, you are–I assume–sufficiently rewarded financially, and nothing keeps you from moving to another firm where many here insist–and I assume you, too, believe–your career will be unaffected by your indulging your son until he outgrows you.
Posted by: HKLivingston, 26, investment banker | March 7th, 2008 at 5:24 am | Report this commentThere’s something radically wrong with your appraisal system, or your boss, if what is supposed to be a review of, presumably, a year can be overshadowed by the events of one day. And such a trivial event, too - you need to postpone a meeting. Big deal.
Collect your son, tell whatever lie you think is most acceptable, start looking for another job.
Better yet, tell your boss the truth, note the reaction carefully and consult a lawyer to see if you can bring an action for sex discrimination.
PS why do I have to type a security code to prevent automatic robots from posting ? A robot perspective on these issues might be interestingly different.
Posted by: Alastair, male, 46, consultant | March 7th, 2008 at 11:02 am | Report this commentIt is amazing that these trivial issues can solicit so much comment - not only do I wonder why the original question was posed, but also why 46 people before me have answered…haven’t we been through all this so many times that we shrug and move on? What this says is that so much is now taken for granted that many issues are really worth addressing. As for this one: do what you think is right - ignore all the advice - you probably have picked him already, haven’t you!
Posted by: Farley | March 7th, 2008 at 10:32 pm | Report this commentThird-party answers to questions like yours are never heeded. Only your own self-assurance or your own fears can possibly satisfy you.
THINK: Would you yourself be attracted to a man who spent his childhood and teenage years coddled and smothered by Mummy who dropped everything at first sob? In which case, go ahead–coddle and smother him some more, and let his resulting temperament a decade hence speak for the merits of your approach.
THINK: Would you yourself be able to run a department or a whole business if everyone dropped everything like you do and like Ms Kellaway says she would, too? In which case, go ahead–find another employer who will prove you right or start your own business and be to everyone else what you have always wished your own boss could be.
Posted by: J Michael, private banker, 39 | March 10th, 2008 at 4:11 pm | Report this commentAs child growing up in Soviet Union I still remember distinctly how my parents “postponed” picking me up from kindergarten as they were in one of those endless cues for supplies. The only reason I remember this story is my amusement at the situation. Having had both parents work I had many other situations when I was left alone and had to take responsibility. Your child needs to understand that you are also human and also need his help. This gave me a sense of being needed and appreciated, much more then any fuss parents sometime make about their children.
Elina, 30, female, Investment Banking
Posted by: Elina | March 20th, 2008 at 5:09 pm | Report this commentA homesick child is not an emergency -it is a sign of a soppy parent. This child is ten not three.You do him no favours by rushing off to him.
People who believe in ”appraisals” are not worth working for. They are far too dull and thick. Join a firm in the twenty first century.
Posted by: M Reid | March 21st, 2008 at 3:28 pm | Report this commentWhy don`t you just call him and say something encouraging to improve his mood? He is not a baby. I understand that he is only 10, but at this age he can wait not only on more day, but a week. Moreover, this can be just a bad mood or lack of activity there. I guess that he must realize that you can not leave all your important business just because he has a bad mood. Let him wait a couple of days. Just call him and explain that everything will be ok and you love him.And don`t let your strong emotions spoil everything.
Posted by: Anna,23, female, specialist in marketing | April 15th, 2008 at 5:16 am | Report this commentComing from a mother of 4 boys (22, 19, 14, 11), I understand how some women believe that they should put their children first ahead of work. I myself am one of those people. I have been criticized many times about how I always do “too much” for my boys. However, we need our jobs, so we have to find balance.
If this was me, I would speak to the camp and find out why he is so homesick. Obviously they are lacking in activities to take his mind off of being away from you.
It would appear that your son may be accustomed to his mother being able to drop everything to accomodate his wishes. There are some parents that will go to the extreme, and in this case, this is pretty extreme. He needs to understand that he can’t have his way all the time, and you need to understand that there are consequences further down the road if you ‘give in’ and always “bail him out”. You are not teaching him how to accept and live with change. If he was literally sick, then it’s understandable.
Posted by: Barb M, 41, Project Manager | April 22nd, 2008 at 5:59 pm | Report this commentRemember, love and discipline are the same thing.
My eldest used to try things like this. There is probably a slight element of manipulation going on, but if you can’t try this on with your mum, then who can you try it with? Leave him at camp, but give him a ring and tell him everything will be OK, and that homesickness is normal at this stage. Speak to the camp staff and ask them to keep him busy, and help him burn through. Follow this up with a postcard to your son telling him you are proud of him for sticking it out. Reward him with a whopping great ice cream when you go to collect him on the last day (be one of the first parents to arrive). Best of luck.
Posted by: Claire, Consultant educationalist, 40, Mum of 3 | June 29th, 2008 at 3:44 pm | Report this comment