March 6, 2008
‘Should I send a card to a man whose company lost billions?’
I work on a charity committee with a man who has been in the news because the financial institution that he founded and owns has lost a breathtakingly large amount of money. We have a board meeting next week, and I was wondering what to do. Should I send him a card? If so, what do I write on it? I can’t really say: “So very sorry that you’ve lost several billion dollars.” Or can I? Or do I not mention it at all and next week act as if nothing has happened? Given the scale of it, wouldn’t that look rather odd? He is a very direct person, and I respect him but am also quite frightened of him. What is the form on these occasions?
Charity director, female, 52
Lucy’s Answer
In the old days the etiquette was clear. Losing money was a disgrace. This man would have been off your committee in a trice and if your paths had ever crossed again you would have cold-shouldered him. When Anthony Trollope’s villain Augustus Melmotte loses his fortune he is so traumatised by the shame that is bound to follow that taking his own life seems an easier way out.
By contrast, losing one’s money today is perfectly socially acceptable. It is quite possible to be on the front page of the newspapers for mislaying billions of pounds and then a few years later to be hailed as a financial wizard once again. Look at John Meriwether: one minute he was presiding over the collapse of LTCM, the next he has re-established himself as a hedge fund god.
This means that you need feel no embarrassment or dismay about the financial predicament of your committee member. If you want to be nice to him you should show no discomfort and indeed pretend that it is fairly normal to lose so much. Don’t dream of showing sympathy: alpha males tend not to want the pity of women who run charities.
Don’t think of sending a card. This isn’t a bereavement. Hallmark hasn’t yet made “heartfelt condolences on your financial ruin” cards – for a reason. Financial collapse isn’t really a greetings-card occasion.
If I were you I would briefly acknowledge it when he turns up. Say something like: “Thanks for coming today. I gather you have one or two other little things going on at the moment.” And hope he has the good grace to laugh.
Dear Charity director,
The man may have lost billions, but he is still a man and perhaps he enjoys being a member of the board. Maybe more than you think.
Invite him, give him the choice, he’ll give you a straight answer.
Posted by: coco, 36, male, COO | March 6th, 2008 at 11:04 am | Report this commentWhat does this buffoon do for your charity besides intimidate you? Provide financial advice? It’s proved worthless. Use his connections? He’s now a pariah. Donate his personal wealth? The lawyers are about to descend on that. Say what you want to say to him, and ask yourself - and him - what he’s doing on your committee.
Posted by: brian 39 director | March 6th, 2008 at 12:14 pm | Report this commentI’m a bit concerned about you both. Charity work is not about hierachy or intimidation. You do charity work to give something back. It sounds like neither of you fully understand this. Charity is not about the people who run it,its about helping those in need. I suggest you both consider long and hard about why you actually are involved.
Stuart Neie-Bond Trader-Age 42-Male
Posted by: Stuart Neie | March 6th, 2008 at 12:50 pm | Report this commentSend a card and simply note that you are thinking of him. Fortunes can change quickly—you, and your charitable organization, would not want to be included among those who’ve abandoned him in difficult times.
Posted by: Investor, male, 51 | March 6th, 2008 at 5:21 pm | Report this commentWhy do you have to say something to him about his failure?
Treat him as usual. Talking about your work, the impact of the donation, number of people you help…
Posted by: jin | March 6th, 2008 at 7:22 pm | Report this commentKeep it personal. How about saying “I know the past weeks must have been quite stressful for you … thanks for finding time for xyz charity in spite of that.” Unless he’s a robot, he’ll probably appreciate your concern.
Posted by: AW, female, Director, 37 | March 7th, 2008 at 4:21 am | Report this commentYou are more likely to find useful advice by writing to Miss Manners at ChicagoTribune.com, who should be able to tell you about the proper sentiment to actually hold, as much as about the polite way of expressing it.
Posted by: HKLivingston, 26, investment banker | March 7th, 2008 at 5:06 am | Report this commentThe real question is the potential reputational damage to the charity.
The guy likes directness, so use this. Bring it up at the board meeting so everyone can discuss it like adults.
Whatever you do, don’t leave the dead elephant in the middle of the table.
Dave, 55, Change Agent
Posted by: Dave | March 7th, 2008 at 7:23 am | Report this commentNormal form is that many of his so-called friends will be busily avoiding him at the moment. Perhaps you could take advantage of the gaping holes that are doubtless opening up in his agenda to invite him to a lunch in the days leading up to the meeting. At least you will get a heads-up on how his situation might impact your charity and he might be less frightening in future if you lend a sympathetic ear now.
Posted by: Chris | March 7th, 2008 at 11:27 am | Report this commentChris, VP, 55, male
If this gentleman is responsible for the loss of several billion, I would be very concerned about his future with the board. I wouldn’t send him a card, I would put his membership to a vote.
Posted by: Brian Hoadley | March 7th, 2008 at 8:16 pm | Report this commentIf this gentleman is responsible for the loss of serveral billion, I would be very concerned about his future with the board. I wouldn’t send him a card, I would put his membership to a vote.
Posted by: Brian, 37 Male, Claims Manager | March 7th, 2008 at 8:18 pm | Report this commentIn the real world, charity work need not be carried out by angels–devils who are able to raise vital funds help a noble cause just as much.
1 Your fear of this man,
2 his stature, and
3 the scale of his misfortune
by themselves do not make him deserving of the abuse, demonisation and schadenfreude in the 2nd, 8th and 10th/11th comments.
Also,
1 the fact that it was in the papers,
2 the fact that you are to be in the same room with him in the days following
–neither one obliges you to go through the motions if sentiment is lacking; nor is there a need to embarrass yourself by quoting figures.
Sincere kindness, if it is truly the sentiment that you hold, is best expressed unadorned–”If there is anything with which I can be of assistance, please let me know.”
Posted by: HKLivingston, 26, investment banker | March 8th, 2008 at 1:07 am | Report this commentTwo things jump to mind - the presumed link between your board colleague’s company losses and your own indecision over how to behave.
I think you have to differentiate between your colleague’s company and the charity you serve. There may be many reasons behind the losses, and if he is under any form of investigation, then the charity should be aware of it. And surely the charity has rules concerning the behavior of board members designed to prevent trouble.
My second point concerns your attitude. I am surprised that you have fear of this man and serve as a director. I am even more surprised that you want to send him a card. Fear and insecurity can lead to loss of integrity, a rather undesirable characteristic for a charity director whose mandate is to serve the charity. As for sending him a card, I find that professionally inappropriate. When you deal with him you represent the charity - so keep it professional, in line with charity policies. And if you have integrity, why do you want to send sympathy over company losses? And to a man you fear? I think you need to take a long hard look at what you stand for in you position.
Posted by: Engineer, 35, Female | March 8th, 2008 at 10:50 am | Report this commentI believe Robert Maxwell was on the board of various charities and made large donations using money belonging to the Daily Mirror pension fund. I wonder if those charities sent him sympathetic messages when the game was up - they certainly gave him a good funeral.
Posted by: michael | March 8th, 2008 at 11:29 am | Report this commentmichael,67,male,retired
The old adage “be nice to people on the way up as you may need them on the way down” may well appy to this man. If he has behaved well to people he will be treated sympatheticaly as long as his misfortunes are not due to malpractice.
Posted by: carole chapman | March 8th, 2008 at 11:57 am | Report this commentI agree with the above comments regarding separating the business from personal. It does not sound as though you run this committee. Have you talked to the committee chairperson? If there is any sort of a cloud hanging over this man , he should send his apologies until he is cleared and if he does not, the chairperson should have a word with him to this effect. If he has simplt been a victim of circumstance he will surely value a chance to help others even less fortunate. I fail to understand why you are intimidated by this man unless he is very unpleasnt in which case I fail to understand why you should want to send him a card.
Carole 62 female, charity chairman.
1 Have you any genuine concern for this man, as opposed to a mere fear of feeling bad about yourself if you don’t feign empathy?
2 Have the rest of us here any information indicating that he has in the past supplied your committee with funds stolen from his financial institution, or any to suggest that in future he shall be stealing charity funds to make up for losses in the latter?
Rest assured that you shall not ‘look bad’ if you politely refrain from feigning kindness.
And learn from this man’s experience–henceforth strive to limit your success, or at least limit media exposure in case of any failures. Lest you be met with the same schadenfreude which eight of the preceding fifteen comments have rained upon this man.
Posted by: J Michael, private banker, 39 | March 10th, 2008 at 3:48 pm | Report this commentI would think that the man in question has lost millions of his and other people’s money recently , he should be otherwise engaged i.e in sorting out the mess and working on rescue plans than attend charity committee meetings..
It is highly likely that his involvement with the charity was more of a self promotion and gratification exercise than a genuine desire to help the neeedy whatever the cause is..
The fact that you are freightened of him is worrying and regrettably shows that you may lack the skills to adequately perform your duties as a charity director.The fact that you are considering sending him a kind of sympathy card is shockingly unprofessional.
It will be certainly crucial to investigate where the donation funds have come from , his own or shareholders ’s money..and if suspicion for the latter i suggest you prep up yourselves for an enquiry soon..
Posted by: Athena , lawyer and company direcor | March 10th, 2008 at 7:09 pm | Report this commentWhat’s the problem? Send a card saying: “I was sorry to hear the news about the bank. I know that you will pull it round. I look forward to seeing you next week.” He will be surprised and pleased.
Posted by: Lawyer, male, 62 | March 13th, 2008 at 7:32 am | Report this commentThe board meeting is to deal with charity business and you should not be distracted by his company’s problems. Say nothing. However, during the meeting, discreetly pass him a National Lotto scratch card. It will send out the signal that you sympathise and are keen to help in any way that you can.
Posted by: Broker, male, 45 | March 13th, 2008 at 7:33 am | Report this commentPropose a new fund-raising campaign and say that you would like a large donation to kick it off. The guy whose firm lost billions will dig deep to show that he is doing OK. You will know how much it hurt and will never fear him again.
Posted by: Fund manager, male, 54 | March 13th, 2008 at 7:34 am | Report this commentNext time you see him let him raise the subject first - anything else will seem patronising (unless you too have lost a couple of billion). Don’t worry, he will bring the matter up, probably in a joking fashion.
Posted by: Lawyer, male | March 13th, 2008 at 7:35 am | Report this commentThe real question is the reputational damage to the charity. The guy likes directness. Bring it up at the board meeting so everyone can discuss it like adults. Don’t leave the elephant in the middle of the table.
Posted by: Change agent, male, 55 | March 13th, 2008 at 7:36 am | Report this commentWhat does this buffoon do for your charity besides intimidate you? Provide financial advice? It’s proved worthless. Use his connections? He’s now a pariah. Donate his personal wealth? The lawyers are about to descend on that. Ask yourself - and him - what he’s still doing on your committee.
Posted by: Male, director, 39 | March 13th, 2008 at 7:37 am | Report this commentOnly in England would this question come up and be debated like this! LOL!
Posted by: Stephanie | March 14th, 2008 at 11:46 am | Report this commentI’m with broaching the subject on a professional level with the rest of the board, it very much needs discussing and the possible impact on the charity.
Posted by: Stuart, 35, Male, Pension Consultant | March 20th, 2008 at 3:08 pm | Report this commentA. Don’t be afraid of him
B. Do be thinking of your charity
C. Don’t ask to borrow money.
Good luck.
“Look at John Meriwether: one minute he was presiding over the collapse of LTCM, the next he has re-established himself as a hedge fund god.”
Yeah, and yesterday we learn that his hedge fund has lost a quarter of its in value in the month to March 14th. Some god!
Posted by: Robin | March 20th, 2008 at 4:45 pm | Report this commentMy advice is to say something like this:
“Roger, I want to be the first to salute your new-found freedom from the pressures of financial obligations.
“This may sound tongue-in-cheek, and I know cares and untangling will linger. But you are now what those of us who work with you at the ABC Charitable Trust have always valued the most: free, independent, caring, and full of inventiveness, creativity, and the power to contribute to making this a better world.
“So welcome all over again to our joint adventure. We are glad you are with us.”
Posted by: Marob Mathar | April 1st, 2008 at 7:37 pm | Report this commentRegardless of how much of investors money he has lost, you owe him the same decency as you would to any other human being, especially if he is financially ruined. Thank him for his past help on the charity, and remind him of the good he had done for the beneficiaries of the charity, and wish him luck and hope he gets back on his feet quickly.
Posted by: Chui Tey | April 14th, 2008 at 2:54 am | Report this comment