I have recently merged my management consultancy firm with another. Due diligence showed the chief executive to be well qualified, with an impressive MBA. However, I have recently seen copies of e-mails sent to his clients and to my horror his phrasing is clumsy and his spelling and punctuation make him look barely literate. He has a large ego, takes himself seriously and is proud of his achievements in business. But his e-mails go out under the merged company’s name and I am ashamed of them. How do I go about telling him he is not sufficiently literate? Is there anywhere he can go to recover what he must have missed at primary school?

Consultant, male, 62

I work for an investment bank in a team of 15, and I am the only woman. My colleagues endlessly stand around talking -both on business and private matters - as well as going out for coffee or drinks and to the gym.

I work long hours and don’t want to hang out with people from work. I hate the “team dinners” and usually don’t go as I feel I am unwelcome and prevent them from talking “man talk”. My managing director told me at my last appraisal I should spend more time with the team - which is ridiculous as I already spend 14 hours a day with them. Do I have to do as he says if I want to advance?
Banker, female, 24

Lucy’s Answer

When I was 22, I was the only woman on a male team in a bank. I often used to go out drinking with my colleagues and I gained two things from the experience: savage headaches and an even more savage anxiety over what I had said the night before. I doubt if any of my team-mates liked me any more for my copycat drinking and if my boss was impressed he never let on. It was all quite sad: I was trying to fit in and failing, not just because I was a woman but because I was altogether in the wrong job. It isn’t clear from your message if you are suited to banking or not. You don’t mention crying in the loo, so I assume that otherwise you are happy enough.

You ask if you can advance without hobnobbing. The answer is yes, at least for a bit. You think your sex is against you; actually it is rather in your favour. Being one in 15 means that if your manager fails to nurture you, he will be forced by HR to go on painful diversity training courses. I suspect he has told you to socialise because that is his crass way of nurturing you.

I suggest you forget about spending extra time with the team and concentrate on being more friendly during the 14 hours you are cooped up with them.

You say they spend time standing around talking. Surely you can manage this too? It is easy – you just need to stand around and talk. If you can’t do that, then you have quite a serious problem and need to think about quitting.

You mention coffee, drinks, the gym. Your strategy on these respectively is yes, no and no way. As for the team dinners, you should attend very occasionally and be as charming as you can. Otherwise just say no. Some of your team-mates may even grudgingly respect you for having a sliver of life outside.