FT.com | Dear Lucy | ‘My colleague is sickly cooing when he calls his family’

‘My colleague is sickly cooing when he calls his family’

July 3, 2008

I share a small office with a young Turk, with whom I get on well enough. He is ambitious and hardworking – already on the same level as me despite being 25 years my junior. However, several times a day he telephones his wife and his taciturn manner is replaced by a sickly cooing. “Hello, honey pie,” he says in a baby voice and then asks about the mundane details of her day. Following the recent birth of their first child things have got worse as now the baby is put on the phone and he starts saying “da da da” to the child – who can’t be more than three months old. It is driving me so demented that every time he picks up the phone I find myself tensing up, fearing the soppy nonsense that I am going to be subjected to. Can you recommend anything?

Accountant, male, 55

Update from Lucy: I don’t think the phrase Young Turk is any more racist than the phrase red herring. The young Turks were groups in Ottoman society striving for political change at the end of the Ottoman Emprire. Now it’s used interchangably with young whipersnapper - to mean a thrusting young person. I quite like the phrase, and am surprised that so many readers seem to find it offensive. Either way it has very little bearing on this problem - which is about how to deal with a colleague who makes frequent personal phone calls in a baby voice.

Lucy’s Answer

A small, shared office is a wretched thing. You are practically sitting in each other’s laps for eight hours a day and have to listen to each other, smell each other and pretend to get on. I used to work with someone who spent much of his time calling local police stations as his son kept getting arrested. At least this was more interesting than “da, da, da” – which has nothing to recommend it at all.

It sounds to me as if you are doing rather well in these tricky circumstances. You have every reason to resent your office mate for being so very much younger than you and for doing so much better; the fact that it is only the cooing that gets you down says a lot for you.

Many FT readers have written harsh things about you on the website but, if I were you, I’d put it down to age. This is one of the main gulfs between our baby boomer generation and Generation X. We bark “Yes?” when our families call us at work, while generation X see nothing unseemly about being soppy fathers in public.

This means there is no point in raising the matter with him. He will think you are a crusty old git, which could be unfortunate when he becomes your boss in a couple of years’ time. Instead, you need to find some way of getting the message across subtly. You could try sending out bad vibes – frown, look uncomfortable and shuffle papers in a some-of-us-have- work-to-do way whenever he starts cooing. However, I fear this may not work: if he is blind enough to believe his three-month-old baby likes to chat on the phone, he may be blind to your distress signals.

The best thing is to get up and leave every time he does it. Unless he is phenomenally stupid, he will eventually notice he is inconveniencing you and may join the other young men in the corridors outside making baby talk with their wives and children on their mobile phones.

July 3rd, 2008 in Uncategorised | Permalink

83 Responses to “‘My colleague is sickly cooing when he calls his family’”

Comments

What about discussing this with him? An open aproach saying first that you have a problem that you would like to discuss and then outlining how you feel when he phones home. Then ask him if he can help you with this issue. He may not even realise the effect it is having. After all, yu are both on the same sid e when working so close together. You certainly do not want to create a “me v you” situation. No matter what, direct and open “non accusatory” communication is always the best way to approach such situations.
Posted by: Geoff | July 3rd, 2008 at 4:33 am | Report this comment
I understand, but there is nothing you can do without coming across as a horrid old man.

Despite what is generally believed, simply starting a conversation with a formal “I’d like to discuss something?”, “I may have an issue with something?” or an informal “Can we chat about something?”, in no way suspends a listener’s feelings as you progress. In this case he will feel as if you don’t want to work with him, and also he will want to move somewhere where people are less repressed in his view. (Lots of people will tell you that you are probably repressed and need help but that’s your own business.)

Apart from the FT standards (leave, wait for him to leave), the only strategy I can think of is communication through the medium of comedy. Everytime he starts, make finger-in-throat gestures (post-ironically of course).
Posted by: Samec, 30 | July 3rd, 2008 at 6:45 am | Report this comment
When he calls home, go and make yourself a coffee.

Or, if you have any friends yourself, give them a call at the same time. He is young, he is ambitious, he is working all the hours god sends and he has a young family. He wants his wife to feel cherished although he only sees her for a few minutes a day.
Posted by: Get Over It | July 3rd, 2008 at 9:16 am | Report this comment
Buy a big pink fluffy pair of earmuffs and ostentatiously put them on every time he calls home…
Posted by: GLH, female, 30, manager | July 3rd, 2008 at 9:19 am | Report this comment
Be honest with yourself. It appears that your real problem is the Young Turk who is removing any illusion that you will be the Sultan. Tough maybe, but that’s life. As for the the calls to the love nest I also supect that are you not possibly harking back to your earlier married life. It may be a terrible blow but you should recognise jealousy and get over it because it may just be that someday this guy is going to be your boss.
Posted by: ungenannter | July 3rd, 2008 at 10:02 am | Report this comment
Well, I guess that this is not right to make private phone calls in front of colleagues. I personally make private calls being out of the room which I share with my colleagues. Why do not he do the same thing? Can he do it in a coridor or somewhere else? I am sure that it is possible. This way he won`t disturb you. Actually,seems, my advice is addressed to this Turk, not to you. I assume he lacks idea of polite behaviour at work. Firstly, colleagues do not need to know every detail of one`s private life, secondly, it can disturb them and prevent them from concentrating on current working tasks. My advice is to ask him politely and without any anger to go out while making personal phone calls. By the way, does he have a handy? If no, this advice can hardly help. Anyway, even if he uses usual phone inside your office, tell him that his talks disturb your work. Don`t be afraid to spoil relations with him. You have a right for normal working conditions.
Posted by: Anna, 23, female, market analyst | July 3rd, 2008 at 10:37 am | Report this comment
In my opinion, this is not right to make private phon calls in front of colleagues. I personally make private calls being out of the room which I share with my colleagues. Why do not he do the same thing? Can he do it in a coridor or somewhere else? I am sure that it is possible. This way he won`t disturb you. Actually,seems, my advice is addressed to this Turk, not to you. I assume he lacks idea of polite behaviour at work. Firstly, colleagues do not need to know every detail of one`s private life, secondly, it can disturb them and prevent them from concentrating on current working tasks. My advice is to ask him politely and without any anger to go out while making personal phone calls. By the way, does he have a handy? If no, this advice can hardly help. Anyway, even if he uses usual phone inside your office, tell him that his talks disturb your work. Don`t be afraid to spoil relations with him. You have a right for normal working conditions.
Posted by: Anna, 23, female, market analyst | July 3rd, 2008 at 10:39 am | Report this comment
There are always some ways to convey your feelings without coming across as a negative person. Symbolic acts are a best way to get message across. Try something like gifting him a bluetooth headset/Cordless phone. Tell him jokingly that you have been told off by seniors for small mistakes in your work, thanks to the distraction of ‘cooing’. if he is smart, he will get the message and stop distracting you and also feel nice about you for being considerate enough to figure a solution for his problem!
Posted by: Shree | July 3rd, 2008 at 10:49 am | Report this comment
Earplugs & use them.
Posted by: Gleda Page | July 3rd, 2008 at 11:39 am | Report this comment
Earplugs.

Lawyer, female, 50
Posted by: Glenda | July 3rd, 2008 at 11:49 am | Report this comment
The office is a place where people are meant to work. Office work tends to be mental, rather than menial, and hence generally requires some concentration. Being considerate towards the people we share office space with is not just basic courtesy, it’s elementary civilised behaviour. Noise levels in offices are already quite high from normal work activity: talk, typing, phone calls etc.; there’s no need to add to that through things unrelated to work. Whether the victim is “repressed” or not is utterly irrelevant. Let’s respect each other.
Posted by: Andre, 33 (m), Economist | July 3rd, 2008 at 11:49 am | Report this comment
A modicum of maturity on your part.
Posted by: Roger | July 3rd, 2008 at 11:57 am | Report this comment
Be honest: if this situation arose with a Turkette instead of with the current turkey, would your reaction be the same?
Posted by: Johnstone | July 3rd, 2008 at 1:16 pm | Report this comment
Shoot him. No right-thinking jury in the land will convict you
Posted by: Peter Dunkley | July 3rd, 2008 at 1:26 pm | Report this comment
Shoot him. No right-thinking jury in the land would convict you
Posted by: Peter Dunkley | July 3rd, 2008 at 1:28 pm | Report this comment
Which of you is most likely to be promoted and merit a solo office (or be transferred to another division with different offices)? Make an honest assessment, and you’ve found your near-term career goal.
Posted by: Travis, 34, male, associate | July 3rd, 2008 at 2:04 pm | Report this comment
Remind him of the company policy allowing only one personal phonecall per day. That at least will cut it down - he’s more likely to wonder off somewhere else if forced to use his mobile.
Posted by: Oscar, Analyst | July 3rd, 2008 at 2:14 pm | Report this comment
‘Having a chat’ with him is embarrassing, listening to any more will have you either throwing up or bludgeoning him with the receiver.

So just wait until he produces a brand new vomit-inducing cracker, remember it and wait for him to put the phone down. As soon as he does, take the mick out of him as much as he can stand without causing offence. He’ll get the friendly warning.

If he doesn’t, well, shoot him.
Posted by: Ben, 28, consultant | July 3rd, 2008 at 2:29 pm | Report this comment
The problem is not your colleague but you, or rather your reaction. You must train yourself to not let it bother you. When he starts with the lovey-dovey talk, breathe deeply and let it pass right through you instead of reacting to it. In other words, do not resist it internally. You can even smile inwardly that he has a loving relationship with his wife and child. This is a type of spiritual practice, albeit a pragmatic one. If you can master it, you can apply it to other situations in your life and live much less stressfully.
Posted by: Earl Scheib | July 3rd, 2008 at 3:17 pm | Report this comment
A 55 years old man writes a letter to the FT to complain about a young, competent and healthy family man.

Looks to me that you can’t bear someone else´s happiness or, you are xenophobic… both are very english feelings.
Posted by: asier | July 3rd, 2008 at 3:22 pm | Report this comment
When it happens again, ask him to fetch you a drink or do some photcopying adding “Honey pie” at the end. It will not happen again.
Posted by: Irritated of Ashtead | July 3rd, 2008 at 3:26 pm | Report this comment
What is the big deal? Just remind him politely about the corporate policy and code of conduct. Or you are too proud to discuss anything nicely with a “Turk”? If you can not address such a small problem by yourself and need help from the whole world to solve it, I think your career is up to an end anyways, so you do not need to be stressed out about the situation.
Posted by: Elif | July 3rd, 2008 at 3:26 pm | Report this comment
I think there is more to this than his cooing sounds. It sounds like you resent him for being 25 years younger but at your level. Maybe you don’t have a family/children and also resent the fact that he does? This seems to be the only thing you can find wrong about him, and you could potentially be obsessing a bit?

As someone above pointed out, he is trying to make his wife feel cherished against a background of not seeing her enough. Just be a gracious room-mate and let him have at least that.

Keep it professional, get a life and don’t be a drag.
Posted by: RR | July 3rd, 2008 at 3:36 pm | Report this comment
My boss at my last place used to do the same thing, starting every conversation with a sickening “hello trouble”. Anyway, he was a complete knob, so I left (for a better job!) Wonder how their subprime portfolio is doing? Hahahahaha…
Posted by: Tom McLaren | July 3rd, 2008 at 4:01 pm | Report this comment
55 years old demented and racist accountant vs. A young, happy, promising, hardworking, warm, family guy. The problem is beyond dispute.

Lucy jr, 34, Female and Management Consultant
Posted by: Onur | July 3rd, 2008 at 4:36 pm | Report this comment
I think when he talks about a young turk he is referring to his colleagues ambition, not his background. So can we cut out the knee-jerk racist accusations.
Posted by: Jason | July 3rd, 2008 at 5:02 pm | Report this comment
Why not just be happy for your co-worker and his new family and politely ignore his private conversation? If you find yourself tensing up, try imagining how happy you, in his position, might be, and you might better understand the reason for his “cooing” style of speech.
Posted by: Chris | July 3rd, 2008 at 5:13 pm | Report this comment
The only sort of person who’d claim that race has anything to do with this situation is a racist.

Asier says: “Looks to me that you can’t bear someone else´s happiness or, you are xenophobic… both are very english feelings.”

Onur says “55 years old demented and racist accountant vs. A young, happy, promising, hardworking, warm, family guy. The problem is beyond dispute.”

Asier and Onur, get over it.

(And it’s 55-year-old (not years-old) and IT looks to me LIKE or AS IF)
Posted by: S. | July 3rd, 2008 at 5:34 pm | Report this comment
A proud, happy man, expressing human, loving feelings when it comes to his children…

Personnally I’d quite like to have a dad like him…

Please ask him if he has plans to adopt?
Posted by: coco, 36, male, COO | July 3rd, 2008 at 6:53 pm | Report this comment
Get a good pair of headphones. I’d say anything from Denon. You want the in ear headphones. Nothing to do with the chinsy IPOD one’s. I have numerous people like this in my office “hi honey! how are you!” and it’s a complete focus breaker. Total distraction. If your office doesn’t allow headphones, request a move immediately and say its for productivity and efficiency.
Posted by: Paul, 31, Analyst | July 3rd, 2008 at 7:05 pm | Report this comment
Wow, this is way better than what we had to put up with few years ago when I was working in a financial institution.
We had this guy who used to call his mom every so often and speak so loud that the whole department knew about her dr. appts, illnesses, how much money she had in the bank, her investments etc.

Bonus: he also used to eat fish on Fridays and no matter how much my coworkers sprayed the surrounding cubicles with air freshener he would not get the hint to eat the damn fish outside because it stank. He also played on-line chess at work.
Posted by: Adrienne, 45, analyst | July 3rd, 2008 at 9:50 pm | Report this comment
I wish my partner would make phonecall like these to me. Since he got a new job with Deutsche 6 months ago he is travelling the world and works long hours. His phonecalls are mostly very brief just telling me how busy he is. Maybe I should find a young Turk for a change.
Posted by: Roxanne | July 3rd, 2008 at 10:02 pm | Report this comment
Way back, had a boss who was a bachelor a few years older than myself. His phone-calls to the succession of lady-friends were gloriously cringe-making. Took great self-control to keep a straight face.

As for the Young Turk, how about the wild-track theme from Local Hero or anything else you care for from the speakers on your ‘puter. Or on the six-string you brought in. [One local office of a Footsie-100 co had a lunch-time jam session. Music, not food, that is.]

Or give way to chuckling at the appropriate moment. Have you considered taking the p*ss out of him?
Posted by: Peter T,60, retired accountant | July 3rd, 2008 at 10:09 pm | Report this comment
Roxanne,
Would you settle for a middle-aged Turk? If so, I’m available.
Posted by: Mustafa | July 3rd, 2008 at 10:23 pm | Report this comment
I was always taught that it was good manners to ignore office mates’ telephone conversations. And why should it matter that he is at the same rank and 25 years younger; I suspect a subtext of jealousy.
Posted by: Ian Stuart male 65 retired | July 3rd, 2008 at 11:08 pm | Report this comment
Change your own attitude if you cannot change his behaviour.
Posted by: James | July 3rd, 2008 at 11:19 pm | Report this comment
Ugh, I remember one vacation in a summer share where one person kept calling her baby. “Chrith-to-pher?” “Chrith-to-pher?” Over and over. The baby didn’t answer of course. It was maddening.

Normally the best way to handle this is humor. Sounds like you’re taking it too seriously. Forget having the heart-to-heart or the company policy reminder. Just laugh at him.
Posted by: linda | July 4th, 2008 at 1:12 am | Report this comment
It is a matter of no importance. In overall terms it is nothing. Adapt yourself to the situation and just accept it as normal human behavior. If you cannot accept human behavior then get off the planet.
Posted by: Viet 50 Gunslinger | July 4th, 2008 at 2:12 am | Report this comment
Earplugs
Posted by: Astrid | July 4th, 2008 at 2:38 am | Report this comment
Could be worse - what if he called his wife and argued all the time? THAT would be awkward….
Posted by: Derwin | July 4th, 2008 at 2:47 am | Report this comment
Why the hell would that bother you madam. Its his personal life, get one yourself.
Posted by: Bismarck | July 4th, 2008 at 3:30 am | Report this comment
It sounds as though several elements are causing discomfort, 1) Your own achievemnt relative to your colleague, 2) The sacrifices made by you on the family front to get to where you are, 3)The lack of respect by the colleague, in that he can conduct himself in this way while in your presence, and 4) the reference to Turk would suggest a cultural chasm which you are not comfortable.

For your own sake, as an accountant heading towards retirement, you should ‘play nice’. It is likely this guy will be your boss before you collect the gold watch so I wouldn’t make enemies, in fact you should seize the opportunity to build a relationship on a personal level.

To help you through this period (which will only be a year or so) every time he picks up the phone smile and think of golf.
Posted by: Mr T, Director, London | July 4th, 2008 at 4:44 am | Report this comment
Open and public verbal expression of affection to family, wife or children, is not offensive or discomforting to most sane people in Balkans and Middle eastern cultures…We hear it all the time in their emotionally naked songs hiding nothing..
It is Westerners who have hang ups expressing openly affection and love, they got it mixed up with forbidden sex which must be hidden…. Economic factors have brought Different and Incompatible Cultures in tite proximety… The Easterners can adapt and accept Western ways, or any different ways easily. But conceded, biggoted, Monolitic Westerners have difficulty allowing others to be different from their parocial tite ass, mini brain, Collective Consciousness, mentality which dictates that all have to be and act like US, (resitence is futile)… Yet Westerners cannot run their own technologically sophisticated country without importing the more intellectually virile and potent people from the East, who grow and prosper socially and economically even in the West while feeding on the breasts of the ‘old country’ emotional fountains rooted in their original,’backward’,
more humain cultures…
If they had to feed on American junky, superficial, sterile culture, they would starve emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually, and turn into bitter old grouches, or robots, like to original poster with the complaints…Maybe he should find some one to Love and not hide it from the world….But can any one love a grouch like him, who is not just like him, a bitter, soulles, blind grouch, herself…
Posted by: Ivan, 67, male, Physicist | July 4th, 2008 at 5:34 am | Report this comment
I think you need to decide for yourself if it’s the content of his conversations or their frequency and volume. If it’s content, I think you just need to relax and ignore it - there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with being soppy and family oriented, and it doesn’t seem to be hurting this guy’s performance.

On the other hand, if he’s wasting his (i.e. the company’s) time by calling too often (thankfully, we no longer worry about the cost of the actual call), then it would be a problem. Although, as you say, his performance at work doesn’t seem to be a problem. If it’s distracting other workers because it’s too loud or frequent, then it’s an issue. You can ask him to call less often, or to keep his voice down. If that doesn’t work, appeal to your manager, and it might make sense to get some support from colleagues.

Personally, it’s my feeling that you are being a bit too crotchety. If you wanted to put him off, you should make it clear that you can hear everything, and you should start conversations about it. “I see your wife buys your food at M&S - have you considered Tesco’s?” “Tell me more about your baby - does he talk back to you on the phone?” He might not be happy that his personal life is so public (I certainly wouldn’t), and realise that he needs to cut down. If he objects to your listening to his personal conversations, you have a perfect opportunity to point out that they are so loud and frequent, you have no choice.
Posted by: Tom | July 4th, 2008 at 8:53 am | Report this comment
It’s hilarious how many of these responses revolve around whether “Turk” means “someone from Turkey” or “a thrusting youth”. Nicely done, whoever posted the original problem!

Meanwhile, GLH nailed this one in the 5th post with the idea about big fluffy earmuffs. (Interestingly, this, the correct response, will work whatever “Turk” may mean.) Big fluffy earmuffs perfectly express what you are feeling, and, crucially, allow the “Turk” an opportunity to laugh at you in return. Compare and contrast, by the way, with earplugs, which accomplish neither of these things.

He gets the message, you get your point across and do it without getting heavy. Sadly this basic ability to identify an appropriate and graceful response seems to be beyond the capacity of the rest of the 40+ contributors. No wonder office life is so hellish.
Posted by: PeteB | July 4th, 2008 at 9:11 am | Report this comment
Express an interest- ask to see pictures of his child and his wife.

Say how very attractive they both are -he must be very proud etc.Ask about them every day.

When he is on the phone stop working and overtly watch him and listen to his conversations with his wife and nod when he coos.In other words join in.

This will start to unsettle him and it’ll stop.
Posted by: Michael | July 4th, 2008 at 9:22 am | Report this comment
S.,

Xenophobia is not the same as racism.
Posted by: asier | July 4th, 2008 at 9:28 am | Report this comment
Go with PeteB’s suggestion. Pick up on elements of his conversations and ask (borderline) intrusive questions, feigning interest and concern. He will either feel violated and move his conversations elsewhere or you never know, you might be invited round for a Sunday roast and strike up a friendship.
Posted by: Barbara, 26 | July 4th, 2008 at 10:11 am | Report this comment
Are you sure its just his partner ? Take consolation in not hearing that slavering cooeyness with anyone within your business about business. Beware that demeaning flirtation shown by the elder manager to the younger beauty (male or female) for the most paltry of tasks.

Headphones, and a thunderous, macho environment should cure it. - Does anyone in a heavy armoured division experience this ?
Posted by: earwig o, 32, m, manager | July 4th, 2008 at 10:39 am | Report this comment
This is absolutely outrageous! Why is everyone picking on this young guy fron Turkey?
Posted by: Michael Fowke | July 4th, 2008 at 10:45 am | Report this comment
Years ago, when I was starting out, my small-office-mate would chat with his wife several times a day in loving tones resembling “pillow talk”. They had nicknames for each other - his was “Stinky” and hers was “Miss Piggy”. Not my own kind of pillow talk, but it takes all sorts I suppose.

Be glad that you have a sufficient level of trust between you that he feels able to talk to his wife and new born child in this intimate and open way. Clearly this was not your way, thirty years ago, but so what? No doubt there are occasions when you make personal and private calls and are relieved that your small-office-mate is likely to be discreet.

If it is really too cringy for you to bear, there are several tried and trusted tactics you could try. Pick up the phone and call a client, leave the room every time to pick up a coffee, catch his eye and raise your eyebrows, express a vigorous interest in the intimate aspects of his family relationships - being 55 and an experienced office sharer you should know the drill.

Actually, if this was happening to me, I would also be wondering if my employers were not grooming me for early retirement or a graceful exit. But then I am a bit paranoid.

Chris, 55, male, VP (with own office)
Posted by: Chris J | July 4th, 2008 at 10:50 am | Report this comment
get a life! your colleague clearly has one!
Posted by: Gunther | July 4th, 2008 at 11:05 am | Report this comment
Mustafa, how exactly middle-aged you are?
Posted by: Anna, 23, female, market analyst | July 4th, 2008 at 11:14 am | Report this comment
I missed the part where him being a Turk had anything to do with your annoyance at his phone manner, honey pie.
Posted by: Emily | July 4th, 2008 at 11:35 am | Report this comment
Asier - you are a such a hypocrite.

“Looks to me that you can’t bear someone else´s happiness or, you are xenophobic… both are very english feelings.”

Er… and painting all English people as unable to bear others happiness and generally being miserable ISN’T? Its people like you that make life for others, hardworking decent people facing genuine harrassment everyday, so much harder. Go away and keep your nasty and unhelpful comments to yourself.
Posted by: Dawn | July 4th, 2008 at 11:47 am | Report this comment
English people have a tendency to be miserable… you´re generaly dark people who write letters to the FT, but incapable of talking face-to-face, in a natural manner, to another human being.

“Putrefying and disintegrating english society…” - Wittgenstein used to say…

ps1: sorry for my honesty, but I respond in the same tone as your filthy posts.
ps2: there are many many other things I like from your culture, but you´re forgetting them all…
Posted by: asier | July 4th, 2008 at 12:14 pm | Report this comment
Have you tried enquiring or commenting interestedly and immediately about anything he has just broadcast to all and sundry within earshot. Often people don’t realise how public their conversations have been, and there’s a chance that he actually doesn’t like the idea of his private life being monitored but just hasn’t thought about it. It’s possible this subterfuge will prompt him to adjust his behaviour voluntarily.
Posted by: John - age 55 | July 4th, 2008 at 1:38 pm | Report this comment
Pretend to call a new mistress, and list in full, excruciating, explicit detail what your plans are for her that evening. When he complains, affect surprise; you thought he had no problem with personal calls. Then suggest a compromise; that you both simply stop personal calls from your office.
Posted by: Parisian, 34, Male, plc Director | July 4th, 2008 at 2:29 pm | Report this comment
If working in open plan office stand up point and shout Personal call, Personal Call, Personal Call, until the call is finished i suspect this will curtail the calls in your presence dramatically.
Posted by: Honey Bun, age 33, Love Interest | July 4th, 2008 at 3:00 pm | Report this comment
At a previous job, in an open plan office, one colleague found anothers constant, loud, personal telephone conversations distracting and so bought and wore a pair of bright yellow ear defenders (the type used on building sites). The person having the conversations remained oblivious (even though they sat opposite one another).

On another occasion a colleague had numerous telephone conversations over a couple of months about his relocation, including enough personal details that the department could easily have gone on holiday on his credit card. In the office move that happened a couple of months later he was given an office.

As far as I’m aware none of the people involved were Turks (of either definition).

Only advice: laugh or leave (the office at the time or the firm). Talking about it to them’s just not British…
Posted by: Iain | July 4th, 2008 at 3:06 pm | Report this comment
I do not see a big problem. I am sure your colleague also does not like some of your habits or behaviors.

If you are very annoyed, and this case is against your corporate policy you may ask him to make his phone calls via his mobile out of your office.

Or you may try to understand your colleague. As a young family man, I also need to call my family a couple of times during the day. I can understand how your colleague feels.
Posted by: Ahmet, age 30, executive | July 4th, 2008 at 4:30 pm | Report this comment
Take the piss out of him, preferably with the help of colleagues. A bit of ridicule can go a long way.
Posted by: R.Sole | July 4th, 2008 at 5:38 pm | Report this comment
You can console yourself with the fact that this adorable little baby that he coos lovingly to on the phone will, in ten years time be regarding his father with utter disgust whilst emptying his wallet.

Smile smugly to yourself in the knowledge that he’s got it all to come.

Stuart Accountant 45!
Posted by: Stuart - FD | July 4th, 2008 at 5:49 pm | Report this comment
Most of the people who think “Young Turk” simply means “a young person from Turkey” seem to be foreign (either from what they write this time or because they have previously declared this). Language courses for foreigners include some typical English cliches, but it’s impossible to cover every one (as there are a lot of indirect speakers in England just as in other countries).

It’s a daft cliche but I think it’s understandable to most English people.
Posted by: Samec, 30 | July 5th, 2008 at 10:28 pm | Report this comment
I admit I was surprised to see the expression “young Turk” used in an FT blog, since the US/UK are so obsessed with pc.

However, I assumed that perhaps Lucy was being deliberately and provocatively non-p.c.
In addition, political correctness is far less present in allemanic Europe (where I have spent most of my life), so that the age, nationality / ethnicity of thugs and criminals is FAR more likely to be mentioned the media if the trouble-maker is a “30 year old” Turk, a Serb “with a criminal record”, a Kosovar “already known to the police” etc. or if the “clumsy” waiter is “dark-skinned” (sic) ….

However, I note from my online search, that “young Turk” can also mean a young person seeking to get rid of the “old guard” in an organization.

So, I am wondering if “German measles”, “Poles apart”, “Spanish fly”, “Russian roulette”, “French ??? ” et al still have a place in the English language? And come to think of it, the expression “to call a spade a spade” now sounds racially loaded, even to a bridge player like me.
Posted by: J.J. | July 6th, 2008 at 9:13 am | Report this comment
“German measles” is now called Rubella, possibly for pc reasons.
“Spanish fly” is not referred to much as these days as Pfizer have a better product
“French ???” was only ever a Londonism as far as I know, but might still be current.
“Poles apart” means opposites as in North pole South pole not as in Polish people.
“Russian roulette” seems ok still when referring to the “game” (see below).

Even the last two are used less often these days because school kids get taught that they should make up their own similies and metaphors and not just copy the well-worn cliches.
Posted by: Samec, 30 | July 6th, 2008 at 9:22 am | Report this comment
This may not be how the original letter writer was using the phrase but….
isn’t a “Young Turk” a reference to a specific historical political movement in Turkey called The Young Turks rather than general ethnicity… and furthermore, isn’t “Young Turk” (indicating a modernizing, progressive force)a compliment? or at least, The Young Turks are highly admired in today’s Turkey?

PhD student, London, 29 male
Posted by: roast turkey | July 7th, 2008 at 4:42 am | Report this comment
Dear readers - regarding use of the phrase ‘young Turk’, see Lucy’s post update above. And please keep your comments to discussing the question itself. Thankyou.
Posted by: FT.com moderators | July 7th, 2008 at 11:40 am | Report this comment
Turk:

1. a native or inhabitant of Turkey.
2. (formerly) a native or inhabitant of the Ottoman Empire.
3. a Muslim, esp. a subject of the Sultan of Turkey.
4. a member of any of the peoples speaking Turkic languages.
5. one of a breed of Turkish horses closely related to the Arabian horse.
6. any Turkish horse.
7. Young Turk.
8. Archaic. a cruel, brutal, and domineering man.
Posted by: asier | July 7th, 2008 at 11:50 am | Report this comment
Young Turk:

1. A member of a Turkish reformist and nationalist political party active in the early 20th century. 2. also young Turk a. A young progressive or insurgent member of an institution, movement, or political party. b. A young person who rebels against authority or societal expectations.

I´m very confused now… is this young man really a “Young Turk” (a rebel, insurgent, disobedient,…) or, a “taciturn”, “soppy”, “hardworking” and “ambitious” Turk?

there´s a discrepancy here…

Can you please clarify?
Posted by: asier | July 7th, 2008 at 12:02 pm | Report this comment
I’ve endured a similar experience with a work colleague’s only too regular, cringe-making conversations with his wife, who one might have assumed was capable of looking after their children without hourly inputs from her husband (eg “should I wear these lovely, fragile ballet pumps I have just bought when I take the children out for a walk in the pouring rain?”). [In addition, I had either to make the effort to translate these comments from a foreign language in which I was not fluent but was competent enough to be able to understand partially or to try and ignore totally.] My recommendation is to save the best examples to amuse friends at a later stage and/or to learn to focus your attention on the work you are being paid to do despite these irritating intrusions — a useful skill in any noisy environment, particularly if you are working in an open plan office.
Posted by: Susan, 55, equity analyst | July 7th, 2008 at 3:51 pm | Report this comment
Your colleague is abusing his employer by regularly using the phone to call home. I don’t see why you should not have a word with him. Being 25 years more senior than him, he should accept your talk to him as friendly advice without any harm feelings. He can call his family from his private cell phone on his spare time during breaks or lunchtime. Otherwise, I don’t see why you should accept his disrespectful behaviour.
Posted by: Gamal, 49, Male, Chairman & CEO | July 7th, 2008 at 11:55 pm | Report this comment
For goodness sake people, where on EARTH did you go to school, or did you go to school at all - those of you who take the expression “young Turk” literally? A “young Turk” is no more a young Turkish person than a cock and bull story is a story about a cock(!) and a bull. Those of you who have not grown up with English as your first language can be forgiven, but those of you who have should try reading a book now and again.

PS
Mustafa, you have not answered Anna’s question yet. I’m all ears (but not literally!).
Posted by: Alison, 48, Female, Secretary | July 8th, 2008 at 1:26 pm | Report this comment
This problem is great, much better than a similar one I had at my previous job. A coworker had the most annoying voice and anytime he was greeting me, he used to say “Good morning Pookie!” or “Peekabooh!” et similar. One day I just stopped responding to the sickening smile he was sending along with his Bonjours and finally he went back to normal talking. But here, since this guy is not talking to you directly, you should really consider telling him to make his personal calls outside the common room. I’m not sure the “joking-about-it” strategy would work, for 2 reasons:
a) he might get offended from you making fun of him (some people are extra sensitive)
b) he might just not get the point and think you actually think he’s being nice and cute
I’d just tell him politely “Dude, take care of your honey pie in the kitchen” or so. Good luck.
Posted by: Andrea Vitali, 28, Female, Executive | July 8th, 2008 at 7:07 pm | Report this comment
Look at it from the youngster’s point of view… perhaps he switches from being “taciturn” to “cooing” with his wife and child because he finds sharing an office with you to be rather difficult? Perhaps you both need to make an effort to improve on just “getting on well enough”, which seems to be not really good enough after all. Maybe try going out for an informal lunch with him and his young family to get to know each other better and show that you’re considerate and not resentful of his success. And you can show in conversation over the lunch that you know too many details of their private life and that way encourage him (and his wife) to tone down his chats.
And if doesn’t work, be thankful you’re not in an open plan office with the wierd guy constantly talking to himself, the lady with the incessant nervous cough, the over-loud social organiser and the guy from last week’s redundancy blog “bigging himself up” by using the speakerphone to show he’s actually working on a deal.
Posted by: Nigel, 47, Male, Banker | July 9th, 2008 at 12:20 pm | Report this comment
I find it really funny how people are coming up with all this psychological and round about stuff to get him to get the message to stop instead of nipping the problem in the bud. Be direct, yet firm and respectful without being impolite.

You can say, “Look I dont want to appear rude to you, but this room is like a speaker box, I can hear everything you are saying when you make your daily calls to home, would it be OK if you went into a private room next time to make these calls?”

I also have the feeling that there is indeed a bit of jealousy and resentment on how fast his career is advancing compared to yours. Could be that you’ve managed to project these negative feelings on his cooing - which represents everything you probably hate about his generation. Think about it and try to focus on how much of this problem is your recation.

I can understand if you find being direct is too much - its the reason why I NEVER want to work in a UK environment. People never just say what is on their mind and what they want - I would prefer to know where I stand with a person rather than skirt around problems.
Posted by: Louise, 33, Female, Engineer | July 14th, 2008 at 10:32 am | Report this comment
Good Lord, Generation X is it? Sorry, you’re way behind the times. We’re up to Gen Z now. Gen X followed the Baby Boomers, and just barely. Look up “Billy Idol” for more details.

Misha, 37, architect
Posted by: Misha | July 16th, 2008 at 8:43 am | Report this comment
The comments here make for such funny reading, I couldn’t resist a response. The mature gentleman who wrote in with his problem is really being given an unfair time. I am Gen X or Y or whatever we are these days (born after 1978) and I completely sympathise with the older person here. Nobody should make tasteless phone calls like this when colleagues are around: it shows a lack of discretion and maturity.

My solution to our John Bull (is that racist too?) is to bring in an iPod and put in the conspicuously white earphones to listen to some suitably hip music (that 70s sound is making a comeback these days) every time this Young Turk colleague starts his blabbering. The music, at maximum volume, should drown out any incoherent ramblings from the adjacent desk.

This trendy music-playing device will also add to your street cred as you swan around the office, iPod peeping from your breast pocket. If anyone asks, just say you’ve taken to listening to music while you work due to the noise in your office and by the way did anyone else catch Goldfrapp at Glastonbury this year? They might think you’re going through late mid-life crisis but you will get some peace and quiet at work.

Mairead, 30, Female, Project Manager
Posted by: MB | July 21st, 2008 at 4:43 pm | Report this comment
This is called evesdropping.
Posted by: Investment banker, Male, 35 | August 12th, 2008 at 4:45 pm | Report this comment
On the subject of young Turks, when I read the letter I thought the writer’s colleague was Turkish.
Posted by: John - 47 - male - media analyst | September 5th, 2008 at 3:10 pm | Report this comment
Is he a young Turkish guy
or is he a “Young Turk” in the sense of being a young aggressive guy of no specific ethnicity?

The original question specified “young Turk”
which would seem to indicate a young Turkish guy.
Posted by: Lennox - 39 - female - secretary | September 9th, 2008 at 12:45 am | Report this comment
I’m surprised how much western people are afraid of each other. Why you can’t just say: “Could you please be a bit quieter or have your private phone calls out of your workplace. I can’t concentrate on my work.” If it doesn’t help why it is not possible to discuss the situation with the boss? Maybe it is possible to move one of you to another room. Is the point in the fear to be considered as a racist, a sexist or just intolerant person? In this case I don’t know what to do.
Posted by: Sanya | September 17th, 2008 at 7:24 pm | Report this comment
Are you married? Have a family? Children? 8-10 hours at work per day is quite a long time. And some people might have a life … Not all of us live to work, but work to live.
Posted by: Joan of Arc | September 18th, 2008 at 1:03 pm | Report this comment