I work for a small consultancy and over the past couple of years have fallen in love with someone who is senior to me. We are close friends and socialise quite a lot together. Although I have never said anything, I think she knows how I feel and sometimes I get some really mixed signals from her that may indicate she feels something other than friendship. The rational part of my brain has thought of resigning so that her position is not compromised by the way I feel (which has been remarked on by some of my colleagues). The fantastical side of my brain hopes that if I resigned, I’d then be able to ask her out properly. Any suggestions?
Consultant, male, 28
Lucy’s answer
If you were a suitor in a fairy tale who had been set three tests to prove your love, you would certainly win your prize.
You have loved this princess doggedly for two years. You are so worried about protecting her reputation that you are ready to give up your job in the deepest recession of your lifetime. And your most secret fantasy is not of ravishing her but of simply being able to ask her out.
One doesn’t get much more chivalrous than that.
Alas, this isn’t a fairy tale; it is a common tale of office romance in which the doling out of prizes goes according to harsher rules.
Your colleagues have noticed your devotion and are almost certainly laughing at you behind your back.
What interests me more, though, is her reaction. Most women in offices find the doggy infatuation of male colleagues whom they do not desire irritating at best, and repulsive at worst.
The fact that she is not put off by your attentions and is even prepared to favour you as a friend could mean that she is emotionally warped and gets a thrill out of being loved in vain by underlings.
Or it could mean she is in love with you too.
The only way to find out is to ask her. The good news is that there is absolutely no need to give up your job in order to do this. Half the population (including me, as it happens) meets their husband or wife at work and, as long as she isn’t your direct boss and as long as you don’t behave in a vulgar manner in the office, there is no reason you should not go out together.
The only problem is what will happen if she says No. You will lose your special ambiguous friendship with her, and going to work with a broken heart may make the office a grim place for a while.
