Fashion and satire have never been easy partners. The problem is that although fashion seems like a world ripe for mockery, its very absurdity – the extremity of appearance and, values and language that makes outsiders think it should be a perfect subject of satire – actually makes it impossible.

And so the wait is over, the bated breath unbated, the quick-beating hearts slowed to normal speed. Breaking Dawn, the first half of the final instalment of the lust ’n’ longing, vamps-as-metaphor series Twilight has hit movie screens, and the third-most anticipated wedding dress of the year has been revealed. Yes, after the Kates, Middleton and Moss, we have … Kristen! Well, OK, Bella.

I admit it: I love a summer blockbuster. I can appreciate the allure of Eric Rohmer-school art-house talkies but, if I’m really honest with myself (and with you, too), it’s the explosive megaliths that get me every time. These are some of the few productions that still justify the whole big-screen-movie-going experience, as opposed to the relax-in-the-comfort-of-your-living-room experience. Surround sound! Flashing lights! The end of life as we know it!