April 29, 2008
Dubious business propositions
One of the disadvantages of having my e-mail address printed in the paper is that I get a lot of weird people communicating with me. (I am not referring to the honoured readers of this blog.)
Most of the offers of cheap Viagra are caught in the FT’s capacious spam-filter. But I seem to get an awful lot of people trying to interest me in dubious-sounding business propositions. Most of them I delete without a second thought. But I think this particular communication has an unusual panache to it.
EMERALDS, FOSSILS AND RUBIES: YOUR VERY BEST ACQUISITION AGAINST ECONOMICAL CRISIS
GOOD DAY ULTRA-AFFLUENT PARTNER, DEAREST BROTHER:
Unfairly, I assumed that “Billionaire Business Enterprises” - who have sent me this e-mail - would be based in Nigeria. In fact the address supplied is in Montreal, Canada. To spare readers from temptation, I will not print it in full.
The message I was sent makes a further appeal to my “VERY SOPHISTICATED AND HIGHLY APPRECIATED AND RESPECTED BROTHER, EMERALDS, FOSSILS AND RUBIES WOULD CONSTITUTE THE DEFINITIVE CONNOISSEURSHIP PRIVATE, PORTABLE AND NON-DETECTABLE ASSET IN YOUR PORTFOLIO
CORRESPONDENCE / INFORMATION: VINCENT BOUCHER, B. SC. PHYSICS / M.A. POLITICS / M. SC. AEROSPACE, CEO & PRESIDENT
There is so much to admire here. The flattering reference to my sophistication; the sly suggestion that I might appreciate a “non-detectable asset”. Mr Boucher’s eclectic range of academic qualifications.
If somehow we could harness all this entrepreneurial energy and direct it to legitimate ends, I feel certain that the future of Africa (or Quebec, for that matter), would be much brighter.
That is great! (Maybe intended for Kim Jong-Il, the Dearest Brother, who has a penchant for “non-detectable assets”.)
Posted by: RCS | April 29th, 2008 at 6:34 pm | Report this commentGR. The best portable and non-detectable asset to have in your portfolio right now is a large pile of cash.
Posted by: J.J. | April 29th, 2008 at 7:57 pm | Report this commentIn Spain a Nigerian gang has been arrested. Their business was great:
They used to send about 15,000 e-mails everyday to people around the World saying that you had been awarded with from 600,000 to 2 million euros in the Spanish Lottery in a game you were chosed from a list held by the Lotto Administration….but to get your price you had to pay between 3,000 to 12,000 euros for management costs etc.
Every day around 20 people paid and the Nigerian gang already had a fortune of 160 million euros!!!
They played with the greed of the people.
I also received many e-mails from the “British Lottery”…
And from a way who says he is the “President of the Bank of Africa” or something like that.
It is very easy: they offer you a fortune but to get it you have to pay a relatively small quantity…
Posted by: Enrique | April 30th, 2008 at 3:02 am | Report this commentI mean “from a guy who says he is the President o the Bank of Africa..”
Posted by: Enrique | April 30th, 2008 at 3:05 am | Report this commentGideon, you are a real connoisseur of these little literary collectibles and trinkets which pass by unnoticed by the rest of us (your spotting of Paskalis also comes to mind). You have an ear and an eye for everyday snippets which constitute real-life (your interview with Saakashvili which opens with a remark on brandy on the terrace immediately captures the reader’s imagination and sets the mood and ambience of the occasaion).
Somewhat reminiscent of Julian Barnes.
Posted by: RCS | April 30th, 2008 at 3:37 am | Report this comment.
from an article I read somewhere long time ago There was this man who collected share certificates from legally listed companies with preposterous business proposal ,looking for sunken galleons , mines of amber in exotic locations or flying steam engines !!
they were absolutely gorgeous with designs and engravings of great beauty .
he commented that the certificate was worth more that the share
sign of the times now we get E.mails
.
Posted by: jeannick | April 30th, 2008 at 9:38 am | Report this commentThis morning I discover the following e-mail in my inbox!:
“I am Mr Randy Mack, Kay Account Manager in well-known Bank,herein London,
England However, I have already sent you this same letter by post one month
ago, but I am not sure that the letter promptly get to you since I have not
heard from you, now i am resending it again.
I discovered a dormant account in my office, as Group Accountant with Ahli
United Bank (UK). It will be in my interest to transfer this fund worth of
£68.5M pounds (Sixty Eight Million Five hundred thousand pounds) in an
account offshore. Can you be my partner?”
Can I be his “partner” ???!!! Of course maybe he is not talking about “financial”! …maybe he saw me once ….and well, he is just simply smitten!
Posted by: Lisa-Helene Lawson | April 30th, 2008 at 5:41 pm | Report this commentThe funniest of the “Nigerian Scam” letters (this was pre-email days, when they arrived in the post) I have seen was one that offered the recipient a share in 10 million barrels of oil and, as an additional bonus, it said you could keep all the barrels for yourself
Posted by: Pacifist | April 30th, 2008 at 6:15 pm | Report this commentI keep reading this and laughing. Gideon is right, it is a work of art!
Posted by: RCS | April 30th, 2008 at 6:26 pm | Report this commentNot as funny as the nigerian scammers who got scammed themselves. They got lured into carving a genuine wooden replica of a old c64 and a walace and grommet alarm clock, lured in by the promise of a large cash payout. Ive never laughed so hard in my life. Take a look..
http://www.419eater.com/html/john_boko.htm
Posted by: Jim | April 30th, 2008 at 8:27 pm | Report this comment