Westminster blog

My colleague Matthew Engel once joked that Peter Mandelson’s career was “the greatest political story yet to be told”. Every improbable twist seems part of a carefully laid plot. Could he really go on to become Labour leader? It is a big stretch to even imagine the scenario. But that shouldn’t stop us from trying.

Now just picture David Miliband becoming the European Union’s foreign policy chief. Think what would happen once he quit UK politics. Most speculation has centred on Mandelson claiming his birthright as foreign secretary. But could Miliband’s constituency be as appealing?

South Shields is just 30 miles up the coast from Hartlepool, Mandelson’s old patch. The South Shields Labour party already know him at first hand: just two weeks ago, the First Lord graced the Harton Technology College to deliver the ‘South Shields Annual Lecture’. By all accounts it was a triumph. And what a lucky coincidence! Had it not been organised months ago, you’d have thought Mandelson was on manoeuvres. Since the trip, he has even been overheard in Westminster singing the praises of South Tyneside’s Britain’s finest chippie. All the campaign needs now is for the First Lord to call a competition inquiry should Joe McElderry, the pride of South Shields, face a shock elimination from The X Factor.

Would there be a problem running for office? Not necessarily. If Miliband stood down, it would be within 6 months of a general election, so there would be no need for a byelection. (The treaty becomes law on December 1.) Mandelson would have months to prepare the ground. And there would also be time for the Lords bill to pass giving him an escape route to the Commons.

Some killjoys will have spotted at least a dozen fatal flaws in this fantastic theory. But it is never wise to think about these scenarios too carefully. Why spoil the fun? Some stories are just too good to be fiction.