1) Gordon brings out the soap box The prime minister succumbs to a sudden, irresistible urge to converse with the public while standing on a wooden crate.
2) Gordon rolls up the shirt sleeves Pictures emerge of bare-armed prime minister directing emergency COBRA meeting on fears of new Blue Tongue outbreak. “He’s never been a buttoned-up kind of guy,” says aide.
3) Gordon pledges Sarah pregnancy will be a first term priority “I will try my utmost,” he declares.
4) Gordon slaps VAT on private school fees and top hats A brave measure to entrench fairness that is not just about Eton, no, definitely not.
5) Gordon guarantees no more Labour tax rises “It would be irresponsible for any prospective chancellor to keep his tax plans secret from the public during an election campaign.”
6) Gordon makes clear he always intended to step down after two years The prime minister expresses surprise that anyone thought he would carry on for five. “My priority is securing the recovery,” he explains.
7) Gordon announces he will appear in new JK Rowling epic Economic calamity hits Hogwarts. Will Professor Brownsprout save the Ministry of Magic?
Jim Pickard
Kiran Stacey
